In
Female Boner
Dear Ryan Gosling,
Why do you have to be so hot? I mean, why so you have to have that expression on that face all the fucking time?
Sincerely,
One of the many fan girls.
Why do you have to be so hot? I mean, why so you have to have that expression on that face all the fucking time?
Sincerely,
One of the many fan girls.
In
Secrets
"What about you? Are you also dating someone?"
"You've seen me with the guy, ofcourse I wasn't dating him then."
"What are you saying? She's a great girl!"
"How's he doing? Going well with you guys?"
"Who is this guy and why does he seem so familiar?", "He plays for *insert a band's name*. Remember, we saw them and you said something like if he can do this to the mic, wonder what can he do to me."
"Hi! So what do you do for a living?"
"I play for *insert a band's name*."
Biggest rumour dispelled. Boys gossip. And how.
"You've seen me with the guy, ofcourse I wasn't dating him then."
"What are you saying? She's a great girl!"
"How's he doing? Going well with you guys?"
"Who is this guy and why does he seem so familiar?", "He plays for *insert a band's name*. Remember, we saw them and you said something like if he can do this to the mic, wonder what can he do to me."
"Hi! So what do you do for a living?"
"I play for *insert a band's name*."
Biggest rumour dispelled. Boys gossip. And how.
Post-its. Awkward face. Call me maybe. Newsroom. Cake. Biryani. Yellow Biryani. Introductions. Dark Room. Man from Gurgaon. Classroom 3. Babbloo. Street Theatre. Nova 125. Pepperoni Cheeseburst. Wayfarers. Kari Kuttu. Sarojini. Freshers. Community Centre. Maut ka Saudagar. Darinda. Drug Peddler. Sunshine. Gunda. Kashif. Jamun. Winslet-2. Chowringhee Lane. Kanti Shah. Amar Colony. Iqbal Bhai. Sicken Sausage Burger. You Don't Get it. Fresca. Ghazi Bhai. Yelling. Wasseypur. Tomaro. Ducks. Promises. Murg Mussalam. Batla. Homeless man. Pantyhose.Twitter. Guha. Chaat. Putul. Winslet. Dino. Pianos on the head. Bhosdi wale. Mamiya. Cuntlets.
Few friends, lots of pretensions, dramatic endings. End of semester 1.
I promise to you, Season 2 will be full of interesting curvy bends. Unlike the punctuated ones this season. to you.
Poker face- achievement unlocked.
Few friends, lots of pretensions, dramatic endings. End of semester 1.
I promise to you, Season 2 will be full of interesting curvy bends. Unlike the punctuated ones this season. to you.
Poker face- achievement unlocked.
to be drunking, fa la la la la la la.
"Hello?"
"Hello? Hello? I can't hear you. Hello?"
"Hello? I can hear you"
"Yes, but I can't hear you."
(Yes, we suck at prank calling. Thanks for texting and giving us an honest opinion of our wasted efforts.)
Drunking leads to uncontrollable laughter. It also leads to drunk dialing that uber hot blues guitarist. Then, fumbling and finding it hard to say anything at all. (potato?).
Non drunking nights also lead to laughter.
"Myself post grajuashun in mass communikashun. Nice to meet you."
And, sometimes, there are no words involved. Just the look.
Fuck the scholarship interview. I'm going to be here and make the most out of it. Even if it means pining for accessories from Claire's and that blues guitarist.
In other news, I have the world's prettiest pink bow. So what if I'll be broke for the rest of the month and that it costed me more than my Marie Claire coat. Me and my pink bow will take over the world. Hopefully, after passing Sound final.
(This is what happens when you pull an all-nighter and overdose on chat after that.)
"Hello?"
"Hello? Hello? I can't hear you. Hello?"
"Hello? I can hear you"
"Yes, but I can't hear you."
(Yes, we suck at prank calling. Thanks for texting and giving us an honest opinion of our wasted efforts.)
Drunking leads to uncontrollable laughter. It also leads to drunk dialing that uber hot blues guitarist. Then, fumbling and finding it hard to say anything at all. (potato?).
Non drunking nights also lead to laughter.
"Myself post grajuashun in mass communikashun. Nice to meet you."
And, sometimes, there are no words involved. Just the look.
Fuck the scholarship interview. I'm going to be here and make the most out of it. Even if it means pining for accessories from Claire's and that blues guitarist.
In other news, I have the world's prettiest pink bow. So what if I'll be broke for the rest of the month and that it costed me more than my Marie Claire coat. Me and my pink bow will take over the world. Hopefully, after passing Sound final.
(This is what happens when you pull an all-nighter and overdose on chat after that.)
I want that Ph.D. As bad as I wanted the Grimms brothers Fairy Tales, vintage edition.
And I am not going to settle for anything less than that.
(Don't mind the image. I spent a hefty amount- last of my dollars in Hong Kong at 2 am after sneaking out of the hotel. One of those souvenirs for my grandfather. )
Excitement. Nervousness. Anxiety. Confidence. Or the lack of it.
Tomorrow's here. Time to get another rejection. Make a few memories. Feign happiness and drown in celebration of getting rejected once again.
I'm honestly sick of churning out academics. I hope the panel reads this and rejects me tomorrow on the basis of lack of interest over lack of intellect. That'd be killing my confidence truly.
Decided. Need to work. Will pick a job. Ph.D and London can wait. So can chasing men and being chased (atleast, in the head).
Everything else can burn. I'm going to pursue Masters at JMI and get my butt at writing and editing. Polishing that.
Tomorrow's here. Time to get another rejection. Make a few memories. Feign happiness and drown in celebration of getting rejected once again.
I'm honestly sick of churning out academics. I hope the panel reads this and rejects me tomorrow on the basis of lack of interest over lack of intellect. That'd be killing my confidence truly.
Decided. Need to work. Will pick a job. Ph.D and London can wait. So can chasing men and being chased (atleast, in the head).
Everything else can burn. I'm going to pursue Masters at JMI and get my butt at writing and editing. Polishing that.
So, I made wine out of them grapes and had it all by myself.
In
Demons
This post could have been reserved for 12 December, evening, perhaps. Or not.
I'm going to face an interview that may define the course of everything I've aspired for- in the last four years and it's perhaps my last shot at getting close to it. If the things do not work out, it'll probably end very differently than how I want it to be. Ergo, the end won't be what the means were aiming at. It never works that way.
A couple of days back, I was considerably drunk. It started out as a pleasant evening. I'd written my first final and it wasn't too bad. It exceeded my expectation. Naturally, it meant celebrations were in order. It doubled up when I checked my mail and saw the acceptance letter from yet another university that I applied for ten days ago. Getting acceptance in the span of time was an upper that I required at the point of time. Cutting a long story short, I decided to indulge in a little socializing and I would lie if I'd say I didn't enjoy it. I think I'm comfortable enough to enjoy little getting together with lesser known people. Makes me want to survive the rest of the evening as opposed to being stuck with the people I choose to be with at such places, more often than not.
Either way, I got home only to end up crying my liver out for a few hours- first in front of a friend on skype- making a fool of myself. Emotional drunk, the category I despise, I became just that only in the matter of a few seconds when I was chided for something silly. When I was slightly conscious, I realised, I'd achieved everything that I had aspired for, it's simply not putting it properly on paper what I wanted.
I wanted to escape. I asked and strived for admission in anthropology at several institutions abroad. I got that but couldn't escape- manage to get out of there due to my several reasons- some rational while other foolish ones from the list. I just wanted to go out and do things on my own accord.
Here's what kills me every day, little by little. I'd molded myself into a model child at college. The place and time where everyone goes wild and does act like a clown, I'd made myself into what they sought out. Again, selfish reasons. I wanted to get that offer letter from institute so bad that I ensured I attended every solitary class on each day, come rain or shine. I ensured my life revolved around my department, my class even if it meant killing yourself with work load.
I see no reason to continue leading a life like that. A lot of people have told me, this behaviour, or any for that matter is usually not for acquiring an end but for personal satisfaction. If that is so then I've failed at it miserably since I'm fighting battles in my head everyday- whether to be that model student yet again, do everything as desired or take things in the lazy stride that I want it to be in since there is no future I see for myself. I wouldn't say my dreams are shattered. It's too big a statement to make, honestly. I've everything at my disposal, a family that cares and enough funding to take a loan and get the fuck out of here the minute I want but the point is do I want it that bad now? It's like a tape set in my head that I play every morning when I wake up. I'm obsessed with the idea of getting this scholarship and going but do I want it that bad? Do I really deserve to be bestowed with this tag of representing the country? If it so then why have I become too lax and callous in life that I don't give half a flying fuck to what I am doing right now. I wanted this college and course nearly as bad as I wanted London, just when I was on the wait list for a month and now I am at a stage where it wouldn't hurt to even work as an analyst or just about anything since it's not even about the fulfillment of goals or 'studying' something that I want to do for a bit. Now, it's all about waking up and playing that tape in the head and doing everything in a mechanical fashion.
If not for myself, I really want this scholarship for my HoD. I cried a lot when I heard that she's really fond of me and thinks highly of me. I don't deserve any of this. Not with the person I've become here. I miss the last three years more than anything else. Given a chance between this scholarship or going back to college, I'd choose the latter any day. I want to work sincerely. That's all I want from life. Time to make changes- where ever I be heading towards.
I'm going to face an interview that may define the course of everything I've aspired for- in the last four years and it's perhaps my last shot at getting close to it. If the things do not work out, it'll probably end very differently than how I want it to be. Ergo, the end won't be what the means were aiming at. It never works that way.
A couple of days back, I was considerably drunk. It started out as a pleasant evening. I'd written my first final and it wasn't too bad. It exceeded my expectation. Naturally, it meant celebrations were in order. It doubled up when I checked my mail and saw the acceptance letter from yet another university that I applied for ten days ago. Getting acceptance in the span of time was an upper that I required at the point of time. Cutting a long story short, I decided to indulge in a little socializing and I would lie if I'd say I didn't enjoy it. I think I'm comfortable enough to enjoy little getting together with lesser known people. Makes me want to survive the rest of the evening as opposed to being stuck with the people I choose to be with at such places, more often than not.
Either way, I got home only to end up crying my liver out for a few hours- first in front of a friend on skype- making a fool of myself. Emotional drunk, the category I despise, I became just that only in the matter of a few seconds when I was chided for something silly. When I was slightly conscious, I realised, I'd achieved everything that I had aspired for, it's simply not putting it properly on paper what I wanted.
I wanted to escape. I asked and strived for admission in anthropology at several institutions abroad. I got that but couldn't escape- manage to get out of there due to my several reasons- some rational while other foolish ones from the list. I just wanted to go out and do things on my own accord.
Here's what kills me every day, little by little. I'd molded myself into a model child at college. The place and time where everyone goes wild and does act like a clown, I'd made myself into what they sought out. Again, selfish reasons. I wanted to get that offer letter from institute so bad that I ensured I attended every solitary class on each day, come rain or shine. I ensured my life revolved around my department, my class even if it meant killing yourself with work load.
I see no reason to continue leading a life like that. A lot of people have told me, this behaviour, or any for that matter is usually not for acquiring an end but for personal satisfaction. If that is so then I've failed at it miserably since I'm fighting battles in my head everyday- whether to be that model student yet again, do everything as desired or take things in the lazy stride that I want it to be in since there is no future I see for myself. I wouldn't say my dreams are shattered. It's too big a statement to make, honestly. I've everything at my disposal, a family that cares and enough funding to take a loan and get the fuck out of here the minute I want but the point is do I want it that bad now? It's like a tape set in my head that I play every morning when I wake up. I'm obsessed with the idea of getting this scholarship and going but do I want it that bad? Do I really deserve to be bestowed with this tag of representing the country? If it so then why have I become too lax and callous in life that I don't give half a flying fuck to what I am doing right now. I wanted this college and course nearly as bad as I wanted London, just when I was on the wait list for a month and now I am at a stage where it wouldn't hurt to even work as an analyst or just about anything since it's not even about the fulfillment of goals or 'studying' something that I want to do for a bit. Now, it's all about waking up and playing that tape in the head and doing everything in a mechanical fashion.
If not for myself, I really want this scholarship for my HoD. I cried a lot when I heard that she's really fond of me and thinks highly of me. I don't deserve any of this. Not with the person I've become here. I miss the last three years more than anything else. Given a chance between this scholarship or going back to college, I'd choose the latter any day. I want to work sincerely. That's all I want from life. Time to make changes- where ever I be heading towards.
In
If I could
Can I design a dream?
I want to be lost in the wings at R.K. Dalmia auditorium. Lights off, curtains off. Empty auditorium. Only visible light in the seating area, once I set my amp. I want to feel the pressure to be able to match to the drummer and the singers. I want to feel the power that produced something worthwhile, even if it meant plucking a note over and over again. I want to be in my red tunic and black pant uniform, looking for a tissue paper to fix my kohl, 14 minutes before we're set to go on stage. I want to hang in the green room with familiar faces, the ones who'd be sweating over hitting the right note. It's all predictable, it's all about achieving it in the moment. You don't plan such things.
The only control you have is to alter the notes that determine a track, a melody which is all reminiscent of a particularly bright moment shared. One bit of appreciation, that could lift me.
I want to be lost in the wings at R.K. Dalmia auditorium. Lights off, curtains off. Empty auditorium. Only visible light in the seating area, once I set my amp. I want to feel the pressure to be able to match to the drummer and the singers. I want to feel the power that produced something worthwhile, even if it meant plucking a note over and over again. I want to be in my red tunic and black pant uniform, looking for a tissue paper to fix my kohl, 14 minutes before we're set to go on stage. I want to hang in the green room with familiar faces, the ones who'd be sweating over hitting the right note. It's all predictable, it's all about achieving it in the moment. You don't plan such things.
The only control you have is to alter the notes that determine a track, a melody which is all reminiscent of a particularly bright moment shared. One bit of appreciation, that could lift me.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
In
Unwritten
Sometimes, I feel like a hollow piece of plastic, not knowing what to say to the people I truly give a fuck about. The people who I know deserve the best- I am unable to emote to them. To those, who I have grown up with and am still growing.
A, this is for you. I love you beyond words. You deserve infinite happiness and success, the kind you want. Your loss is something I can't imagine. I can't put my thoughts into words. Neither can I express my concern. I just want you to know, I have your back. I invest more trust in you for a better future that you deserve and will have, more than I have for myself.
I don't know how you deal with this, losing a parent. I can't even imagine being in your state.
I am a firm believer in the fact that death itself isn't hard. It's just a matter of a split second. There is no grey area there. It's either here or not. You live and then die. Or die in no time. What's truly difficult to cope with life is the vacuum that is left. This may seem selfish but isn't part of pain in death all about having to do with the leftovers. The memories that may linger in times when you can only speculate what the person would've said.
We linger over trivial things- exams, relationships, job, guys. Run after seeking happiness and hope for the things you want. Isn't that hopeless in itself when adversities such as filling a vacuum are infront of us?
Right now is the best that could ever happen and I hope it brings out the best for you.
A, this is for you. I love you beyond words. You deserve infinite happiness and success, the kind you want. Your loss is something I can't imagine. I can't put my thoughts into words. Neither can I express my concern. I just want you to know, I have your back. I invest more trust in you for a better future that you deserve and will have, more than I have for myself.
I don't know how you deal with this, losing a parent. I can't even imagine being in your state.
I am a firm believer in the fact that death itself isn't hard. It's just a matter of a split second. There is no grey area there. It's either here or not. You live and then die. Or die in no time. What's truly difficult to cope with life is the vacuum that is left. This may seem selfish but isn't part of pain in death all about having to do with the leftovers. The memories that may linger in times when you can only speculate what the person would've said.
We linger over trivial things- exams, relationships, job, guys. Run after seeking happiness and hope for the things you want. Isn't that hopeless in itself when adversities such as filling a vacuum are infront of us?
Right now is the best that could ever happen and I hope it brings out the best for you.
Never done this sort of stuff but it sure feels great to know someone's cooked for you- boiled eggs in biryani, bread roll with extra mashed potatoes- just the way you like. I'm privileged to have someone wake me up every morning and to make sure she wishes me the best on my way out from home, tumbling out with breakfast in one hand and a cup of tea in another.
It feels great to have you as mother, mum.
Had an epiphany of a sort. Dude, how do you do all the stuff you do and why do you wake up at an ungodly hour to make life near perfect for all of us? I mean, hats off to your dedication. :)