Clarity (sing to the key of Mayer's Gravity)

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

 As far as I remember, I was begging for clarity last week and clarity is what I got. If there was an attempt to see the light at the end a tunnel, I think, here we are. There's light, there's clarity. It may not be pretty or fancy but it's illuminated enough for facts to be viewed. 

Yeah, I get it. There's no need to be dramatic or cryptic but my international viewers seem to terrify me. To think there is some loser out there in France reading this page and making sense of this is equal parts concerning (for the sake of their employment and sanity) and amusing. I don't want to crack jokes at the expense of those who visit this page but sometimes I wonder, what is it about my banalities that people want to put their heads into? 

I do it too. I mean, I was a big fan of this whole getting to know someone through their words and setting eyes on them only years later, but for fuck's sake, it's 2021. Everyone knows everyone, why do we have to pry and read into things more than they seemingly offer? I have some sense of public/private dichotomy but to a large extent, I've eased into giving controlled access to those who want to read into things more. It helps in knowing if there's an audience and if so, you get a sense of whether they are responding to your garbage just as how you expect them to be or not. 

Right, so much for clarity that I've consciously been thinking of the last few days and increasingly feeling more like myself. The only hiccup? It's myself from when I was 16 with the enthusiasm of when I'll be 54. I have no strength to push and get things done, and it doesn't look good. This is why I'm always in awe of those who accomplish shit. Just about anything. You got out of bed and worked out? Good stuff. You lost your Ferrari contract and are now racing for a new team, fuck yay, I'm stoked for you.

Anyway, all's well that ends well. Aka, my period for the month. Pending payment. Conference. Visit to the dentist. Seeing all of my remaining friends in the span of 2 weeks. Understanding that there's such a thing where you heat the rasgulla and enjoy. End of another March. 

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