About two months ago, I booked myself a solo trip to the hills. To the ordinary, it may seem like another coping mechanism by an average day job slave. But to those who know me, they were appalled.

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to maybe talk about life?"
"Who on Earth is making you travel to the hills? This person must really mean a lot."

Well, technically she does.
D's been ferrying my cosmetics, mists and the sundry for my luxe-life from the Big Apple for the last couple of years. Sinner confused her as my 'school friend'.

Here's what: our foundation for me to travel to the hills goes all the way back to all the food consumed during 5 weeks of having lunch together. She may have been the reason I survived NCR for a month. It doesn't mean a lot yet it does.

I think the idea of travelling for someone no longer goes down well with me. I do it, sure, grudgingly but I can't feign a tiny bit of interest in the same. Naturally, weddings require a lot more effort. As much as I'm willing to put in the effort and time, the deterrent here is the hills.

I mean, I don't think I'll travel for a person anywhere, anymore. And perhaps that's going to cost me my upcoming review and appraisal (if I get out of probation) but no, I shan't do that for anyone or anything.



In a larger scheme of things (as I was told today 'you're not thinking THE BIG PICTURE'), I foresee losing people because of my obstinacy on not travelling for anyone. But I also see this as growth. Not giving a damn and a sense of ownership to my upcoming 30s.

I including 'moving' in the gamut of travelling. Do I allow myself to be moved by people? I would like to think yes. However, I can name people here who would not agree with me. Then again, those are the same people who read this page and I don't want to give them more importance than I do.

Speaking of my hypocrisy, I can't even get myself to travel for myself. I don't know what prevents that, and I have in the past, tried to address it. Yet, I struggle to put words to this situation of helplessness, anxiety and stalling decisions.

Let me give you a background; I'm expected to be on a work trip to a beach town (yay!) when I'm not getting to see the face of the beach whatsoever. Just before that, I sm supposed to be wearing a new Indian outfit to my friend's wedding in 3 degrees, which is this run to the hills trip of a lifetime. As explained in great detail, I'm probably getting out of that only to find myself initiating a plan out of the city with P. Which is also something I have stalled long enough and literally on a deadline. In the meantime, I have solidly dug my grave with a lot of people. Case in point.

Exhibit A.

"Let me know about DDN by Thursday?"

We are supposed to leave on Friday.

On the other hand, I find saying yes to unplanned plans easily.

Exhibit B.

"Hey, want to go to eat turkey tonight?"

"Sure."

(Narrator: no turkey was had. The name of the restaurant is misleading and they serve no turkey.)

Similarly, for the wedding weekend.

Exhibit C.

"Let's hang over dinner this weekend? Let me know asap."

*takes three business days after confirming three other plans and comes back with*

"Yes, let's do Friday night!"

Exhibit D.

"Don't you dare think of cancelling your trip. Go on that train and take pictures and send me some. You'll have fun."

Essentially, business is open for Friday night. I'm all over the place and yet nowhere. Certainly not travelling for anyone and if I do, you are either a terrible decision or a result of one.