Advice for Sparrow

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The wifi on my laptop doesn't support any web page. My tech guy (aka man Friday) is PMS- ing and being pricey so I can't talk to him about my problem. I feel like Lena Dunham. Fat and useless. I've started doing whiskey. gracefully. Drunk texting/dialling at the age of 21 and half is neither cool nor socially acceptable.


Trying too hard to make someone love/like you nauseates me. I mean, one can't see through this everyday but everyone and I mean everyone is as lonely as the other person. We indulge in acts to please the other person just so that we'd get the comfort of a cocoon. What we tend to forget, rather overlook in most cases is that the other person might not reciprocate the feelings. Worst case scenario, the other party might not even be willing to provide with that sort of comfort. Reasons could be several- their insecurity, unwillingness to let the person enter their life so as to not get affected when the person runs away, personal preference, conditioning etc. When the indifference is deliberate and well planned, it pinches a lot more than in other cases. Call it luck or misfortune, 'Party A' in such scenario falls deeply in the pit that has everything but self respect. In the same order, their actions are directly related to how badly they want the other person to like them, want them, crave them. Creating a void, ie, reverse psychology is useful in situations like these but if Party B is selfish enough, even that bit doesn't work.

One thing is for sure. Our species has issues. Major issues about being loved and reciprocating it. I'm not narrowing it down to Indians because my sample size is mixed but I could be wrong. Null hypothesis is created. We all need to be loved and love others. This is why we do what we do. The end of our actions is only love, be it for oneself or others. What becomes hopeless is recurring attempts at it.

Tonight, I feel sad for you. The one who took her object of interest and his object of interests for a movie. He doesn't want you in the way you seek him. Instead, you could have taken your friends for that movie. I don't know if it will impress him or not (and I hope to god it does) but you're losing yourself in the process. I feel for you each time, when you casually glance in her direction and she looks away. When you mentally conceive her as your better half, I feel pathetic. Do you not see what she wants or do you overlook that? Do you want her that bad? You can find anyone else who would respect you for who you are and not push you to behave in the manner she's doing. Not the positive kind of pushing where the end justifies the means.

Maybe, he does like you but he can't commit to you. Maybe, she is afraid to claim you in public. Maybe, he is an emotional mess. Maybe, her last relationship was painful that she doesn't let herself get into another one. Maybe, your persuasion would help your case. Your determinism might get her but will she be happy? Will you be happy with someone who thinks you're nothing more than intellectual support to him and you're her go-to-guy for the times she's halfway decent to you.

I may be partial but one thing I know, your subjects suck much more than you. Their wretched behaviour is the reason why I addressed this topic. Sure, I may support the guy you like, his ideology but you need to open your eyes, girl. See it for yourself. His indifference is yelling out. She clearly doesn't enjoy your repeated attempts at winning her heart (also cause she doesn't have one).

Charles Bukowski said, "find what you love and let it kill you." this pit won't matter when you're dead. You'd have died an unfulfilled life. Instead, get up, pick pieces, call that friend who has been asking you to meet him. Go for an ice cream with your family. Take your dog out for a walk. Do what makes you happy. Maybe seeking her makes you happiest but it also brings you down. It's like consuming whiskey. For that brief while when you've drank, you're carefree. Your body is so flexible that you don't feel a thing. Slurring speech isn't a exactly a deterrent, it has never been. For that time period, you're fearless and can take over the world. Only when you wake up next morning, you're reeking of alcohol and find out the damage. The world around you is spinning. Sure, happy state comes for a price but drinking over your capacity, every single day hasn't rendered any good to anyone. Only a slow death and liver failure maybe.

Don't kill yourself over it tonight. Sleep through this nonsense tonight. I hope he has a scintillating conversation with you before you two hit the sack. I pray for you and her to have a happy future, complete with kids who go for ballet classes. Just be prepared to face this bit thought. He doesn't like you, she won't accept you. Live now. Breathe today. Forget about the future. What happens then is shot in a dream like sequence.

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