Journal entry #6

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

 I started a new medicine to put me to sleep. However, a friend corrected it's not a sedative which is a plus, the minus of course is that it's done nothing to me except made me cranky. 

I had been long thinking about why we initiate relationships with people? Is it the intimacy and companionship that leads or is the bodily urge to bond, suck face and reproduce the deciding factor? In some ways, forging a relationship with someone who's far away and not in arm's length at all times is a bit like writing a journal entry. What are you upto? I'm chilling with the pets and playing a game and yourself? I'm losing a round of game but I should be working. Tell me, how's this exchange any different than me reporting this for two persons in a hypothetical script? Sure, the other person has a mind of their own and that is attractive enough to keep you down bad for them but besides that? Is it just fog and noise in the brain for the need to hold on tight to someone or do they truly add anything to you? 

I have been so out of character in one way and in another, that I have never felt better. If only these two sides could see each other face to face and balance out. There's a sense of dreadful anxiety that's like a bell ringing nonstop in a school, indicating the first period for a Monday- double maths (yuck) and then there's the ringing sound of music- church bells playing Shine Jesus Shine or Livin La Vida Loca or whatever is stuck in your head (these two are stuck in my mind).  The goal in this is we have to walk from the dread of the ringing bell indicating the trauma math is towards the end of the day Music room where you're goofing around badly singing with the choir and staring at the shoelaces and wondering what's for lunch at home. 

I have not even reached the recess. It's still Monday and ten minutes into the double math class. Long way to singing songs but there's light, or so I hope. 

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