Fear Inoculum

Saturday, July 25, 2020

I'm hoping this is the new Blogger dashboard interface and not me that puts me in a conundrum and I effectively forget what to write about, despite making a mental note in my showers daily. I remember something something vaguely and if I use that in a sentence together with "how I thought of it while I was in a shower" it's gonna be scandalous to the boot. 
Where were we? 

I finally started with my new hobby/sport follow up of the year as I'd thought, and I can't tell you how reading up or watching the old content is pretty much the highlight of my day. The joy of catching up on F1 that I've missed for years is unparalleled. It's as though we were waiting to happen.

I'll stop now. 

Funny thing, I was nudged by Ice Prince on, "Which one of your crushes likes F1?" Almost as if he thought he's caught on something big about me and will call me out. 


Nobody I've ever crushed on has shared their views on F1 with me. Why would I make a pomp and show it? As a side note, we may have to come up with a new name for Ice Prince since it hinders Kimi's nickname. Open to suggestions here.

However, I get his point. We've all done things for people we've been into, pretended to feign enthusiasm, or I don't know, some form of curiosity into things we are not. It's a form of love language I approve; definitely above doing coke at a club and whatever follows after. 

Again, coke lovers, feel free to do what you do. I just don't see myself anywhere near that lifestyle, even remotely feigning it. That's the difference between naive and mature. You don't see yourself changing habits or aligning interests to please someone, not unless you truly want to. I say this, also cause very recently, I was exchanging this idea with someone who mentioned how as a teetotaler, the guy had to feign an interest in whiskey. 

"That must be hard to cope up. Did you drink it?"

"Oh no, I feigned interest because she was really into it."

Lucky girl.

I've taken to F1 positively. I don't know why. It's a new ilk and it's been a while since I developed new interests or shown any signs of joining a fan cult. What better time than quarantine. Amirite?

Earlier this evening, I was on an episode of Schitt's Creek, one where Patrick inducts David to his Baseball team and Roland and Ronnie bring the patriarch Rose to their team as the sub. Watching David in that episode was so heartwarming and relatable. Heartwarming because I don't think anyone, especially me, is ever going to luck out with a Patrick in my life. That man is basically the best-represented partner figure I've ever seen and watching him deal with David in the field gives me hope.

This is weird cause two nights ago when a friend asked me this, I had no answer. 

"What is your happiest part of the day?"

(between sobs), "nothing."

"Something's gotta be. You can't say nothing. Atleast one hour where you feel good?"

"No, I don't feel good at any time."


Except, I do. When I'm in the shower or watching F1 throwbacks. Time of my life. 

(Title reference; track of the day)

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