Me - "Is this an iPhone? I have this beautiful iPhone cover and that's of no use to me."

U - "Yeah man. Give it to me. I really need a new cover."

Me - "I thought I'd give it to M but she's changing her phone so makes no sense. You're changing your phone, right?"

MT - *ignores*

U - "It better be strong. Like this (points to the cover)."

Me - "It is but how's your stronger?"

U - "Mine's got double protection."

Me - "Wut?"

U - "Look, I've chewed the ends but it can still handle the fall."

Me - "YOU CHEWED YOUR PHONE COVER?"

U - "I chewed and ate it."

MT - "Do you eat condoms?"

U - "No no (laughs)."

Me - "Have you tried eraser? I used to chew it as a child."

MT - "You should eat condoms."

Me- "Yeah, imagine that. 'Hey, can you hold on a minute? I need to eat this before you can go ahead'. What fun."

U - "I don't like erasers."

Me - "Are you serious? Those are tasty."

U - "Not condoms ya. They're too oily. Lub-y. Too lub-y."

MT - "Then what? Phone cover?"

U - "Straws, actually."

Me - "Straws? You sure you don't want to try eraser?"

U - "Yeah dude. Straws are where its at."