Friday, July 01, 2016

I don't want to romanticize this and shit, but I can't fucking believe it's only under a month (let's make our agnostic prayers now) for me to wrap my thesis. I will be done with another university and well, be jobless. Without any real plan or thing to look forward. Not as much as a vacation, forget anything else.

I asked a friend/acquaintance from an old workplace for a job, as they'd advertised everywhere. They're looking for associates, and I believed I fit the bill. Not to forget, I really like that place and met some of the most stunning minds there, at my previous stint.

"Who do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking I should apply. I mean, I love to read and I've done a whole fucking thesis on social media so I know my game."

"I'd take you in a heartbeat bae, but I think you're overqualified for this job. You'd get bored in a month."

And, just like that, my very first rejection-courtesy-higher-education hit me. It made me cry for two whole nights and bore He Who Must Not Be Named on the phone with the same sentence on loop.

"No one's hiring me."

Of course, anyone who's not depressed won't sympathize with that statement. Sinner has been attending my near-breakdown phonecalls for over seven years now, so she's naturally subjected to this. And some more heart wrenching news, which came unexpectedly. HWMNBN heard me and for full two nights, without losing his temper. Said nothing exceptionally nice, but said the things which were right enough to make me stop crying.

After hours of brooding, crying and giving up on meals, I found myself feeling a shade of happy, only when those two came over. I call them rocks because there's nothing that those two can't make me do. Effortlessly, I laughed; after days. We talked- about everyone that mattered and did not, about the crap films we've done, about the men I liked when I was 14 and about Comic Con from 2012 (I tried looking up for a post but couldn't locate it. I sure as hell wrote about it when it happened), that boy who broke my heart recently (and how I didn't see it coming) and melon juice.

Here's the thing. I may not have a job, or the prospects of having a stable academic career, or even a film or a show to work on. I may not have a significant other to write dreamy Instagram posts for and I may have all my friends abroad and unavailable to talk to me, all at the same time just when I need them the most. However, what I will always have, are my rocks. These clowns would bring over Green Apple Yogurt with Gummy Bears and a huge pack of beef chips and tell me all sorts of things to make me laugh. Though, nothing counts as much as knowing that there's someone who still believes in you, and everything you stand for. That validation is all that one needs, on days when you feel nothing can go right.

Despite the distance or the time that has passed, I know there will be them. If they're not around, someone else will look over me, or have me in their mind when I'd be wondering if this is the lowest I've hit or what. There's very few of you out there and I would just like you to know, that I am incredibly lucky to have stumbled on you in my life. I have peaked, with career, with friends and most definitely with luck. I won't be hitting the same notes ever again but for the times when I did, there will always be evenings such as these when I can look back and feel better about having done it sometime in the past.

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