Seize the Night

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

From where I come, a morning of awkwardness is generally revered over a night of loneliness. That is to say, you would rather be found in compromising positions with someone for momentary exasperation and celebrate that passing moment, than have your peaceful sleep without any interference. 

The dynamics of spending a "night-in" and making it glamorous does not come without the involvement of compromising positions in bed, on the couch, by the floor. Whatever works, for you. If you ask me, the bed is always a bad idea. Personally, there is a chance for the person to demonstrate weakness and not being in control at all times is a giveaway of being weak. My relationship with anything I can lean on, leads to full blown romance, falling in love and not knowing how to pull over in situations. This is my tryst with my bed. Naturally, this is the biggest enemy of the 'night of loneliness'. I am in no position to give a defense for my likes and dislikes. I am most accommodating in these situations and can make do anywhere, as long as it isn't awfully loud. That just makes me aware of the surroundings and I like to pretend that when I'm awake and everyone else's playing dead the world belongs to me and me alone. I don't get to share it with the moving energies around me. That's dead and lying around somewhere, showing itself in a state where it has no longer control on itself. NSA works exactly that way. The relationship that is shared for those brief hours and the meeting is exclusive to the participants. As much as I'm a sucker for human companionship, those evenings I'd rather have the world die in apocalypse than any form of intervention, be it a call, an urgent text or a mail. Everything can wait. Correction, everything has to wait. I'm in the middle of something that requires my attention enough for me to give up on my bed and my sleep. It better be worth it in the end, is all I can think of, all through the night. 

One is most conscious about human company post 6 am. It's as though the temporal vibe lends to the mise-en-scene, where the world begins to catch on the rhythm. Dogs are restless, you can hear the disgruntlement from the bedrooms and pulling levers inside the pot. All too soon, it was as though a minute ago you checked time while getting into a different position and helping yourself with a bottle of water that the clock had struck 4:38 am and you're holding on to your will of being determined and holding yourself out till you're knocked dead with saturation of all that you did during the night. There is a massive difference between the clock turning 5:59 am and 6:00 am and that, my friend, is something you experience for yourself. Once you do that, you relive it each time you peep at the time during the course of the night.

This saturation is at it's peak next afternoon. If you're me (and morning, if you're you) the chances are that your class won't be scheduled until 4 pm the next day. Being a research scholar, my schedule allows me to pull stunts, such as this, and be absconding for over 12 hours and still blame it on the reception of my phone (thank The Lord for small mercies), only in situations where the class is scheduled at 2. Thankfully, I can now limit the number of such evenings. I'm going through Nihilistmas and I'm afraid, there will be unfulfilling nights of loneliness lined ahead. 

The only time when this does feel awful is when you take a shower. During those 15 sacred minutes next morning, you realize everything you did last night was not enough. Some of you may experience being in love with what you 'did' the evening before but I choose to digress. That ain't love but an illusion of being excited about being a hero, the night before. Defying the principle of human conventions by being awake is the first step to your personal anarchy. That world is yours. Reclaim it like the night. I hate the morning after, the first drops of water on the skin act as though they're crying for attention and slapping your body by yelling, 'I told you so!'. Does that head hurt? Do you feel validated about life and some such? Did you win a Grammy? Your conscience is active, kicking you in the nuts and asking some serious questions as you shut your eyes and try to drown yourself in the shower. Washroom acts as a reflection of the soul during the night and the bearer of testimonies, of vomit, sleep deprived face and defecation of the previous night from the body. 

There is nothing worse than having to go back to the previous night's form after a night of that. Again, says a lot about the person. I thought awfully lot about how I has to return my sorry face to the same setting, with the same cast and finish my almost done task. I couldn't bear to open my head from the night before but all I remember was how badly I wanted to get past it and get to bed. The most romantic part about this set up is the absence of the bed, that which makes us all want to run away from home simply because the situation will reduce us to ask for that very thing. All you ever wanted was a comfortable, snugly night in. You got a whole lot more that that.

(On pulling all nighters under NSA Diaries- No Sleep Attached.)

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