Dysfunctional I

Friday, January 17, 2014

I'd like to come forward and confess this massive thing. I share a very odd equation with guys. Sometimes I don't know how to react to situations. Okay, I lie. I don't know how to react to them, mostly after conversations. For example:

He- I'm going to grab a chicken ham sandwich.
I- Oh so cool. I made myself chicken ham sandwich today for tiffin. It was great. I added a little bit of pizza sauce to the mix, was out of the world.
He- Yesterday, somebody had posted a link about squirming that appeared on my newsfeed on Facebook. I ended up googling it and reading about it for over an hour and a half. Now I know everything about it.
I-Pineapples, if we're being random.

Him- So listen, I was going to my barber for a shave and a haircut. I get myself shaved every three weeks.
Me- Okay. Are you Royalty or that rich and lazy that you won't shave yourself?
Him- No bro. I shampoo twice a day. I bathe twice a day. I just don't comb my hair. I get my haircut every three weeks.
Me- Three weeks?!
Him- Yeah, whenever I feel, I need a change in style, I go for a haircut.
Me- I think I need a haircut but I don't have the balls for it.
Him- Listen na!
Me- Yeah?
Him- So, today I didn't feel like a haircut. Instead I got a head massage.
Me- Head massage? *thinks about how she needs a spa coupon* I think I need to get a tattoo, haircut first.
Him- Yeah bro. You should get it done. You should it all done.
Me- Right, sure.
Him- Yeah get a head massage done. I'll sponsor them all.
Me- I think a change in hairstyle is in order.
Him- Yeah but do get the head massage done.
Me- Are you paying for it?
Him- Ofcourse. Don't get a very expensive barber. I'll pay for haircut and head massage. Pay for tattoo on your own.

Boy- Before heading out for the night, me and my flatmate applied Green Tea face-pack and smoked a cigarette each. It felt so fresh!
Snob- *stares blankly*
Boy- What? You should try it dude. Facepacks are the best thing ever! My skin feels so good.
Snob- And, you poked fun at me when I asked you to get chamomile tea for your insomnia!
Boy- Well, chamomile tea is very British. I can't help but think of people in Brit accent talking about drinking it.
Snob- Still doesn't explain your fetish for facepacks!
Boy- Look, I'm comfortable with my sexuality. You need to understand that it feels great after the pack.
Snob- *stares blankly*

And, I'd like to end my chronicle sample by blaming none other than my mother for ensuring that I'd had very little to no exposure to menfolk till the age of 19, to balance my views on the other sex

You Might Also Like


  1. This him is Satya, if I am not mistaken? :)

  2. D- Good guess but Satya would never offer to spoil me. =)


Hos in Different Area Codes


Stalker Count