Anal Retention

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I'm blank.


I need to turn in an assignment on the movie Kaagaz Ke Phool by tonight. All I remember from the screening is the person sleeping next to me and the beautiful song sequence where Guru Dutt and Waheeda Rahman lament the loss of their love that none of them seem to own up. It's a powerful moment when two people are conscious as to what the other person is thinking but none of them advances towards fulfilling it for the other. Mahmilapinatapai. Something like that has been explored. Naturally, set against the background of Indian film industry it involves the necessary evils like gossip, family drama, separation, love and loss of everything memorable- the time and the people who made the time so trivial. What I don't appreciate and clearly hate is the lack of initiative on behalf of both the parties. No one comes ahead and claims that they deserve each other. Motherfuckers.

In the past one week I must have seen more movies than I have seen in the entirety of my life. Third semester promises to be gruesome and very taxing. Believe you me, watching movies has become a chore. Watch atleast two daily, turn in an assignment that somehow revolves around it. Turning in an assignment is not half as difficult as the thinking process that is required in order to write an assignment. The drawback here is the retention power. So say, my memory doesn't cooperate to the extent that we spent the day watching a movie and discussing it in the second half. I don't remember the name of the character or the name of the movie but I was completely aware as to what was being discussed. You ask me to repeat what we discussed and I won't find it difficult. Ask me to name the guy who generated the titles and I will repeat that, ask me the name of the movie and I will ask you to google.

At the same time, I'm sick of carrying baggage (quite literally) dated as far as being four and carrying stationery with me that I used back in I grade. I remember on this day last year I'd passed out in the washroom after gulping down half a bottle of Absolut because I'd topped third year and also after having stood in the wait list for a month and a half, I cleared the entrance for the college I am currently studying in. I celebrated like a ho and basically I remember everything that happened vivdly starting from morning, perhaps the outfit too. At the same time, I don't remember the name of the movie I saw today. Clearly, my priorities in life need to be sorted.

I wish I could develop the cold-ditcher memory for events corresponding with people I no longer seem to care about and places that no longer attract me. I wish I could watch movies objectively and not worry out of my liver as to how will I survive this semester. All this and more. My mind is a tightly packed kaleidoscope waiting to shatter in multiple pieces. 

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