Saturday, June 16, 2012

This was composed on a Blackberry (on Airtel, if you know what that means, double italics). I was in a mood to mindlessly type crap for the sake of writing. Been pushing off assignments that I have to finish by this Sunday. Also, because I don't know what to write. I could crib more but I'd keep that for later. Joined a gym today, goodbye chips and goodbye life; Hello treadmill. I'm at my anxious best- for an interview tomorrow (I am suppose to take) and blog about it later *gulp*. For a lot of other things that are simultaneously happening around. Must get over this exam hangover (a term that someone used for this kind of mental disposition, in which I am).

Alright, here's the deal. I'm on an unsaid sabbatical. From music, bassplaying, writing, socialising. I stay at home- sleep and read, go online, sleep and read. That's how I've spent my days. No food in between. One meal a day, if I'm hungry, then two. Not deliberately but that's the pattern which is emerging.

This is the most confusing part of life. I know nothing. Jamia interview, how was it, whether I'm getting through? Do I want JNU? Am I ready to take student's loan? Will they grant me student's loan? Join gym (edited- joined today), I must. Read the books I've ordered. Learn to drive. Learn to love tolerate people.

Most people are going through a similar state except they're lot more passive than me. There are some who have it all planned- private institute; some have already started with their course (Christie!) And some like me are just looking at 'ifs' and 'buts' and are wondering what the hell is happening here.

I had the strangest beginning in the morning, that I shall consider from 1 am onwards.

I was reading a hopeless book of short stories (won't disclose the title, you might judge me) and I saw the pup. I observed her for about 6 minutes and I realized she's a lot like me. As a kid, I could not sleep. Specially during afternoon siesta when everyone around me would be quite literally dead and I'd be wide awake wondering what to do. This all when I'm placed in bed, between adults were fast asleep.

I obviously couldn't move otherwise it'd wake them up and I wasn't allowed to go elsewhere. I remember vividly, feigning to sleep at one such trip, when me and my grandmum were staying at some relative's house in Bangalore. It's as distinctly as I can recall the colour of the wall, of the room we were given and what all we did that day.

Essentially, the point I'm bringing up here is that Sasha (our pup) was behaving exactly like the 8 year old me, twisting, turning and changing pose to sleep. She had the twinkle in her eye last night, which just brought me back to my childhood. Nonetheless, she didn't sleep and started pounding few minutes later on Circuit.

Pretty much wasted the day shuffling between reading, watching movies and trying to move. Woke up with extremely horrible back ache that kept me in bed for two hours. When I gathered some energy to move, the father (who's currently deployed in Dubai) came on Skype and had a two hour long conversation with him (because there was no one at home and he'd bought an internet pack for two hours).

Anyway, most of evening passed while reading this graphic novel which is slightly hard to get by since it's designed like a Manga comic.


Somewhere, sometime I'd heard this on marriages with loved ones. I'm saying it in context to the fact that my first cousin is getting engaged next week (at the age of 25) and he's the eldest in the family. I've been subjected to all those silly jokes going 'guess who's next?' That I'm hoping remain mere jokes for next ten years atleast.

Objective Onlooker and I were talking at night before my Jamia interview about how hopeless we both are. I suggested marriage to her since she's a boy and all that. She explained the set-up beautifully.

According to OO, having a partner/dating someone is a lot like studying a subject. As long as you're enjoying it, you won't have any issues studying it. You'll want to research more, take interest in attending extra classes and just about be in awe of the paper. When that paper becomes compulsory, and you're expected to write an exam on it, that's when things start to suck. Illusions dilute and you face reality. The subject isn't all that great. You have to study if you must pass. No two ways about it.

Loving your partner is just studying it for fun and getting married is bound by rough patches and facing life. The choice is yours. Temporality and uneventfulness or limitations and love. What will you pick?

In this context, I'd bring about the announcement of my first cousin getting hitched to a completely unknown female who'd now be my sister-in-law (all this at 25). I don't know what to say anymore. I'm at a loss of words.

Like I said, the sabbatical is on and I shall write no more. Almost too sleepy to even brush but must complete the ablution.

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