Please shut the fuck up

Saturday, January 09, 2021

I'm truly exhausted from feigning any form of interest in catching up and making further plans to meet people. 

People who I once considered friends, thicker than blood (wait, is it thicker than oil?)

You get the drift. 

I can't help myself but roll my eyes when I get a text and find myself accidentally opening it and going all, "SHIT FUCK THIS PERSON IS ONLINE FUCK REPLY NOW." On occasions when I don't, the person usually has the nerve to bring it up 2 days or 3 days later and/or bring it up while responding to another thing, again, uncalled for. 

Basically, if I take anything more than an hour to respond to you, it's a clear signal that I wouldn't like to take that any further. Take the hint, how hard does it have to be for us?

Although, to be totally fair, if you are able to reach out to me at all between my spurts of switching off my phone and catching up with me in any way, congratulations to you. You have cracked the code and belong to one or more of the categories below:

have a whiskey flavoured dick.

you are a member of the family and live with me. 

i don't actually hate you whatsoever (congratulations cause I can count the number of the people on my left hand who qualify here)

I think the declarations I make here and have previously made here have all happened in the sheer vulnerability of being emotional and not having seen people in so long, that the bare minimum counted as effort. 

It took a serious event in my life to open my eyes to the lack of support I had and thus, I withdrew all of mine. It's only fair, I can't keep giving myself more than I get, and for a while, that had been the case. I stretched myself too thin and well, it wasn't worth it.

This brings me to my next point if you have been kind of a dick; a scumbag who will drop everything in your life and rush to a salon/date/club/shopping/picnic/vacation/where ever else while you were here throughout October/November and didn't actually show up physically, we are pretty much done. I want to do nothing with you in any capacity and any exchanges we have verbally over text are all things of the past. If you're reading this, spare me your drama in-person/on the text, and please fuck off. I want to do nothing with you. You're a piece of shit. 

If you're not here and for whatever reason now are/will be in the future/have been since and we've been in touch, consider yourself lucky cause you could have very well been out and just lucked out by your physical no-show. You're also on thin ice so if I were you, I'd be sensitive to my situation and either give me all the space in the world to come to you or approach the situation delicately and diffuse it before approaching. Bringing up *this* piece or any other or talking about my writing to me in person IRL does not help and is not akin to diffusing the situation. You'd much rather stay back and not talk. 

I'm physically and mentally exhausted, deep-fried from all the texting and emotionally holding out people going through shit and reaching out to check on them when I've not had anyone—and really—I'm not complaining. I don't want anyone doing my emotional labour or washing my dirty laundry listening to me cry, but also, don't take your pile of shit and dump on me or IDK, reach out with dumb shit to say or dumb stuff to ask/tell and fill me with the information I've not solicited or have the audacity to say, "I was waiting for you to get better to reach out." You weren't. You're a piece of shit who would rather demand gifts and attention than be there for someone. The same applies to those who didn't bother reaching out at all and will feign a, "I care for you deeply and you mean the world to me. I just didn't know what to say." If you are over 18 years of age and are allowed to vote and drink and shag someone and have a baby, I don't know, you're more than capable of talking to someone who's just told you they've lost someone. It's not that fucking hard, you know. It's a fucking statement, you're sorry for their loss (and that applies even when you're not) and offer condolences to their family. It's as simple as "happy birthday" or "happy new year". It's a no-brainer. 

You can't fucking send someone images from shoots or your morning jogs or random "how are you bubs" or a whole essay on how sad you are that your fuckall relationship didn't work when you weren't as much there, on a phone call (fuck physically being there because clearly, they can only be there if it's Sunder Nursery but not otherwise). 

Yeah, I'm fucking angry. 

Also, if you think this post is about you and in any which way you are feeling things are remotely hitting you home, then take it and go. Do not text me an essay or attempt to reach out in any capacity to catch up. It's time you know you fucked up. 

The thing about writing this shit individually is that so many people fucked up so royally that even a WhatsApp broadcast would be annoying and hence this giant turd of a blaster in everyone's face to explode. 

I really hope you step on a piece of stinking elephant shit and break your face for all the shitty things you've said/done/be to me. 

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