How to forget him

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Don't think about him. Repeat to yourself. 

Repeat to yourself at 4:12 am that you don't care about him as a stranger attempts to flirt with you. 

At 5:22 am, find yourself telling an acquaintance from Tinder you'd never meet how he's wronged you. Hear the acquaintance give you rock solid advice, 

"Block him."

Repeat to yourself, you'll block him. 

Repeat to the acquaintance, you'll block him. 

Do no such thing. Just say it in your head. 

The thought is so daunting you'd prefer going to sleep than pandering to those ideas any further. 

Ignore him for two days. Every time the notification tab lights up, hope it's him and when it's not, take your aggression out on three other guys who are vying for your attention. 

What is the point? No wait, you don't care about him. This is your narrative. 

Find yourself flirting back at the stranger after his sixth attempt. Tell yourself he's not that bad. You can totally be kind and allow him a shot. 

Wake up next morning, assuming you're not on my sleep cycle of sleeping for 3 hours in the day out of 21, and feel horrible for flirting back with the guy you don't give a flying fuck about. 

Notification tab lights up. Eyes widen. 

"Why don't you apply for this job?"

Fuck no, never. I don't want to do this crap for pittance. Don't bother replying cause it's not helpful job opening and it's not him who texted. 

Open his Instagram. See the last remains of your happiness in binaries on his profile. Wonder if you're beyond help and that there's no hope for you. 

No wait, you need to workout. 

Drink water. You haven't had water since 2 am last night and it's 7:22 pm. 

Go back to your profile. See how he will potentially see your profile again, if he does.

"Block him."

Yeah, okay, I'll block him. It's not like he's doing anything that needs blocking. 

Talk to 6 other people in the span of two hours to feel something. Anything. 

Make small talk. Make a few jokes. You've got it, people are laughing. 

Flirt with the guy from the last night? No. You don't want to give him ideas, especially when you don't have any. 

Drink water, that felt good. 

Stare at yourself in the mirror. 

Wonder what he'll think of the body the way it looks now as opposed to what he's seen. 

Forget him. He doesn't matter. 

Watch a film with 5 other friends. 

Laugh after days and feel something in your bones. Should drink some more water. 

Sneak a few texts to one of the many friends on the side. Bitch about one of the many passing dumb comments.

For fifteen odd minutes, actually forget him. 

Bid your goodnights and goodbyes and pick up your phone.

Three notifications. 

Ugh, stop talking to me about dumb things. 

One unread message. From him.


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