Bite Me

Friday, April 28, 2017

I love lipsticks.
There's something so uniquely innocuous with wearing lipstick and shooting people with your choice of weapon. My favourite is usually a combination of death stare with Ruby Woo (despite Mac testing on animals-shit), and a dash of words which can put the fear of god in a man. For some others, it's a devastatingly sexy side smile and for the rest others, it's their teeth that gets the lipstick.

It's completely alright if you didn't catch a word of what I was trying to convey in the paragraph above. I'm swinging between enchantingly snooty and completely intolerable. What I'll be to you is entirely dependent on which side of the scale you view me from.

In the last month or so, I've given my piece of mind to quite a few people professionally. While I admit, it's not the best thing that I did, I also completely admit the reaction I've received from the recipients of my brashness was completely worth the trouble of indulging with them people.
I can almost imagine my Amazon product reviews to resemble this-


"She thnks 2hyghly of herslf. Dun waste tym on her."

"One star only. She's shallow and offers nothing except for a well meaning insult from time to time. Horrible experience. I want my money back."

"WASTE OF TIME. Good lord does she think she's goddess or ethereal creature from the Northern Hemisphere? She bullies everyone and wants her work done on priority. She treats everyone horribly and always answers back. Her emails are so terribly composed that I wonder how did she ever manage employment. Oh wait, no wonder they hired her. Please do not indulge with this person. She's raging mad and is mostly always in a sour mood. She's acidic and totally capable of ruining your day."

Right. Moving on. 
I was walking back to work when Mia threw this one at me, "Do you think they're bitching about you right now?"

It set me back on a great fucking memory. All within the frame of 5 seconds.

In the Fall of 2011, one of my dearest friends faced an awful rejection from the hands of a self conferred theatre aficionado. This said friend is a bundle of talent and was trying to land a role in theatre for a long, long time. 2011 being the last year for us at college; she gave it her best shot. To her surprise and ours, the director was shameless enough to reject my friend for acting but instead shamelessly offer Production role. As well intentions go, Sinner, Ude and I set forth to join our dear friend in helping her with Production. Each of us signed up for different roles for that play and began showing up at the rehearsals, almost half heartedly.

Now, when I think back, those rehearsals were probably the highlight of our time outside class, given we spent all our time in class (courtesy yours truly).

I digress but fast forwarding to our first performance, we were at this snooty liberal arts college in Delhi University. All of us racing against time to figure the best implementation of no-resource at the venue. The college's stray pooch accompanied and chilled with me in the sound room during the play. That's how great the theatre scene in colleges is in this city.

Ude, who was responsible for make-up, dressed one character up completely. The brief given to her included the words, "ditzy", "slutty", "blonde". I assure you, those words were not used in a way I could frame in a sentence and get out of slut shaming women. The character apparently called for it.

And so our friend Ude, dressed this girl up, as close as possible to the brief. She had to rush back before the play could start, so just when the character in full make up and outfit walked to the director, she shrieked.

"What the hell do you think you're looking like? Ude, please do her make up again. This is just not working out. Her lipstick looks terrible.", the director threw a hissy fit at Ude in the make up room.

In the most nonchalant fashion, Ude responded, "Atleast her lipstick's not as bad as yours."

Sinner, who was in the room witnessing this went red in the face. Probably as red as the character's lipstick. I do remember the director wearing golden lipstick (a favourite with women from a certain community, I can never understand the logic) and looking hideous. Sinner later told me, "If I were in the place of the director, I'd have slapped the other person." That coming from the most chilled out person I know means shit was serious.

The director looked unfazed. In the most pleasant way she answered back, "I don't have to go on the stage. But, she has to. Please remove her make-up and start over."

As far as I know, Ude left without changing the full thing and the director herself took the reigns. She slapped hideous makeup (equivalent of golden lipstick) on the poor character ensuring the "ditzy" went from fly to shitty in no time.

I panted as I walked uphill from the departmental store to work, knowing what Mia's said is probably true.

"No, I don't care. They're not the ones paying my salary. Their opinion does not matter.", I answered her, thinking about the director and her lipstick. I don't have to be the one going on stage either. I don't need me an entourage or groupies to care where I stand.

In more than one way, I love lipsticks. I do.

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