Cheeseballs and Fat calls

Saturday, February 18, 2017

After Lennon and Noel Gallagher, if there's a person waiting to start a revolution from their bed, it'll be me. Thank you very much for your attention.

The problem with dealing with Liberal motherfuckers (such as me) will always be their lack of continuous motivation. We'll do something passionately until it retains our interest or we move on to the next being/thing/cause/object/whatever catches our attention. Which always brings me to the problem of sustaining or well, pretending to sustain interest in any activity/individual for a period longer than six months. If I continue to show interest in you for over six months, you're either Piri Piri French Fries or you're pretty much the love of my life.

So, when Karan Johar (I really need hobbies) fussed and giggled over Alia Bhatt's first world problem of not being able to find "diet food" at a location for the promotion of Badrinath Ki Dulhaniya (upcoming Dharma Productions feature film), I felt like breaking my television set. Only for the next ten minutes or so. (After which, I forced my mother to watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens with me.)

I understand the standard for conforming to the market practice of being a certain size is necessary to be able to score roles. I also understand that particular idea/practice of being skinny being a personal choice. I understand the pressure to starve yourself (against everything I stand for, I do understand where that stems from and why people succumb/give in to it) is very real and people justify it for their lives every day.

However, what I don't understand is equating being fat/out of shape with ugly. Eating food and withholding the negative experience of being fat/shapeless as one and the same thing. I probably don't understand a lot of other things that people say/do for and about those of us who are fat or shapeless, but I can keep those to myself. It's easier keeping those ideas close to the fat on my skin, than to be vocal about something that the world has more problems about than me.

I'm fucking livid at Alia Bhatt's understanding of fat. There's nothing wrong with being fat. I am quite literally holding the flag for those of us, who fucking love cheeseballs.

"They have cheeseballs on this menu. I can't trust this menu."

Look, let's be clear. Anyone who can't trust cheeseballs, can you really trust them with anything? Apparently, you can. There's not been a single upsetting writeup or review discussing Alia's unhealthy approach to food and fat. Being fat could be as big as terrorism, in their minds. I'm their personal Bin Laden.

From Almas Khateeb's desk on February 10, 12:24 pm on, an independent online publication, a synopsis/report on the episode:

"The next episode of Koffee With Karan promises to be a laugh riot as Karan’s protégés and favourite students Varun Dhawan and Alia Bhatt, team up for a roller coaster of an episode. Ribbing Alia throughout the episode, Varun lets loose a secret about his spunky co-star.

Varun apparently shot a video of Alia on the sets of Badrinath Ki Dulhania, in which she’s sobbing inconsolably. But what atrocity had befallen her, you wonder? Well it seems that throughout the shoot, the whole cast continuously binged on calorie rich food, while Alia was craving something healthy. The only thing that seemed to be on the menu were cheese balls. The poor leading lady was so upset that she burst into a fit of tears. Yes, you heard it right, cheese balls made Alia Bhatt cry! "

I mean, Alia Bhatt bursting into tears is not my problem. My problem is her reaction on the television screen after being pointed at the brief between the actor and the director. The idea of having a girl with curves/healthy looking actor made Miss Bhatt aghast. As opposed to an under-fed/skinny actor, the actor and the director wanted Bhatt to eat so she could look a certain way. Apparently, taking her reaction into consideration, Bhatt had no idea about this. She was tricked into eating all the food. Her crying, in a cell phone footage, is not as much an issue as her reaction towards food.

What Almas Khateeb overlooked is not the cheese on the menu that was the culprit. Miss Bhatt's positive body experience of finding diet food can literally drive millions of teenaged, school girls who love cheese off it in an instance. Sure, the show did not come into existence with a propaganda, but if the idea one gets after watching it is that food is bad, we must cry and not eat anything except healthy food then it's fucked up. Let's go over the transcript of the show after the video of her crying was screened.

KJo- Why were you crying Alia, was it because there were cheese balls on the menu?
AB- In Kota...we were living in a palace and we were FED EVERY DAY! We were eating halwa, we were eating roti, we were eating everything. Like we were eating so much food (eye rolling). At Jhansi, I'd put on weight. So I wanted diet food, and there was no diet food on the menu. I was crying cause I was very hungry.

KJo- (Giggles uncontrollably)

AB- And I didn't know what to eat.
VD- You looked amazing dude. You know...I think she's never looked better than in Badri...Shashank (director of the film) and I had this conversation के हीरोइन को थोड़ा मोटा करना है (we have to make the actress fat).


VD- ...cheeks लाने हैं . We wanted to (gestures for a fat woman)...we wanted to...
KJo- भरी हुई? (stuffed/filled?)

VD- भरी हुई (stuffed) heroine चाहिए (wanted).

KJo- I don't appreciate this objectification.

Objectification being pointed out when the actor says it out loud. However, keeping it mum when the actress throws a fit as the guy points out the brief being chubby/stuffed because how dare she be fat?
If eating food such as roti, can be a hard task, imagine what precedent we are setting for generations to come, who will grow up watching this shit on television. While they will know that cheeseballs are evil, they'll also think the fault is in their rotis and not in the stars.

As someone who's been overweight all her life, it's really disappointing to see when skinny bitches yank out their souls on screen/in media about how they're fat/being fat is criminal/being fat leads you to be utterly sad etcetera. First of all, you're not fat. Second of all, even if you are, then fucking own it. Being fat is not equal to dying of cancer, I would honestly be worried about the latter, than being overweight. 

Also, starvation over physical measurements? Do I send you a copy of Darwin's evolution or will you buy it yourself? Also, while you're at it, get yourself a Jehangir Khan. Some semblance of therapy will do your peabrain good. 

Never trust anyone who has issues with cheese. Remember a fat person told you that.

I wish I could revolt against Alia Bhatt and hire trolls to tell her what a fucking cunt she's been with this statement, but then again, I'm a lazy motherfucker who'd pick up a plate of cheeseballs and spend time admiring it than taking my cause further down. Probably her idea of diet food and crying for the lack of it is really what the world wants, and the cheeseballs aren't what the world needs.

The world where cheeseballs aren't valued but the diet food is; and I thought having a day job was as hard as keeping up with the Kardashians.

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