Submission Anxiety Rant

Sunday, May 10, 2015

I don't know many like me, who are currently entering what might be the "twenty-third summer break" of their life. It's definitely a privilege that I should count. Especially since, I don't have a count of how many lucky ones get to spend their mornings in an artificially chilled room, while the rest of the world wakes up and goes to fend for themselves and their families. Each time I come disgustingly close to thinking about next year's Summer being slightly different, I lose my marble and break into urticaria (tropical Delhi Summer if you must) and proceed to waste time by staying awake and some more. The progression's become stronger over the year, when the entire fucking year I did nothing but slept through each morning, when I could've gotten out and sculpted a mom-bod into that of post-natal Kate Middleton (almost glad that taxpayers across the world feel this way, and not just us when our Honourable Prime Minister goes on Flight Mode). I digress, but the point couldn't have been clearer. Since the last two days of most people realizing my shift to academia and not a job (if I had a dollar for every time I was asked in the last fortnight, "how's your work coming?", I wouldn't feel the need to consider another job, ever). I'm also amazed at people knowing their facts through social media (a la this blog's introduction) and not through a "live me". The liveness of the digital continues to aspire me to work in this mediascape.

Half of what I typed was utter crap. I have, in the past slogged through summer- cut on my vacation and, for years not taken any holiday. I've worked like a bull, in front of my laptop, spending days filing documents with nonsense. I got some fine grades, marks, accolades, by-lines, green and perhaps a little bit of reputation of being convoluted, average and extremely bitch-faced but that's all that the city moulds you into, when you spend year after year in its cocoon. At this stage, when you've experienced every possible emotion ranging from useless to fat to jobless and even hopeless- there's not much that you can acquire over the summer barring skills in lieu of money. Let's join Salsa class or let's start driving again. Let's give Whatsapp another shot and be on a lookout for a summer fling. Let's write another post, like every summer that has rolled by infront of my eyes and like a pussy, wait for the opportunity to drop itself. 

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