Love is a verb

Monday, March 16, 2015

My head is like my second grade notebook.
Scattered with poor attempts at rhyme scheme, poetry with phrases and jokes from television. I don't know why but all of it is jumbled in my head- roads, signs, map, night, sky, cat, guava installation, aisle seat, water cooler, intimacy- everything is an expanded form of the verb it is suppose to explain itself with. I think of cool March evening, with dark sky as our blanket and cold, hard ground (Tay-Tay, no less) to support our spines, I also think of tripping while avoiding the gaze and blushing uncontrollably while trying to steal moments of solitude away from the world, while it was already far too crowded for our own good. Our story's good. Nothing positive can come out of road movies or the stories which involve large crowds.

You'll hear about it in a version or two. For those of you who don't like listening to obtuse commentaries, I returned from Pune- out of love with Delhi and in love with Maharashtra. The food, the roads, weather, cats, work, evenings, men- everything's kinder, better and tastier there. The vibe is calm and there's no sense of 'get to know or you'll lose out'. Life is simple, complacent, if I may say so. It gets to you in the beginning, on days when there's no internet reception and reading 'Pune Times' isn't your idea of morning; or when, you're at a party (bonus, if you're dressed in jeans), and don't know anyone- everyone appears to be friendly, not in a 'I'll laugh about you at tomorrow's brunch' way but in more of James Blunt singing 'You're Beautiful, it's true' way. Goddamn, the city is so warm and fuzzy that it will leave you weak in your knees. You'll confuse happiness for love. With every step away from skepticism, you'll come closer to trusting others with your life- even when you don't know them, their lies, the ways they can let you down. It's easier, life is comfortable, weather is suitable for all skintones, auto-drivers sweet as brown sugar. Pune is beautiful.

That and a bit of running around, clarity and softening the head and heart together helped me gain some perspective on life. Go with the flow and hustle is inversely proportionate to happiness, but then again, you've got to maintain your sanity. Trying some new, somethings. Let's see how long they last. On the academic front, I've got a third chapter and now am comparing the pros and cons of life I've had vs life I lived and enjoyed. A lot of stuff here won't make sense and perhaps in the long run, won't make any sense to me either but as of this moment, it is here in my head, I'm laying to rest on this stupid screen, until any further notice on 'what to' and 'how to'.

Also, was privileged enough to see the projection system inside 35mm theatre, at the film archive of India. Saw Dillagi (1949) at the preview theatre, which made me squeal softly everytime I realised Chameli Ki Shaadi (1986) paid homage to the film in so many ways. This trip, amongst other things, turned me into a full blown cinephile. From my own starstruck moments to seeing comedy live, in the form of coincidence in action, it was planned by the gods. Or no less, well scripted.

Real life, proposal and paper writing beckons now.

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