It all became clear to me while I was waiting for the signal to go green. As I sat in the auto, cross legged to hide my striped underwear for becoming the reason for the driver to shag off later in the day, I was what scholars call it enlightenment. The underwear isn't exactly pretty. It's actually quite old and I bought several pieces in the same pattern and colour because I was mildly fond of the no-nonsense design behind it (no puns intended). Anyway, I had my earphones plugged to my iPad so had it not been for my slut summer dress, I'd act pass off as a corporate on job on Saturday. Outer-ring road's an odd sort of a place, with all the eunuchs trying to make some cash or just scare the living daylights out of you. I'm particularly wary of my belongings each time while I am there, while I am driving or otherwise.

Anyway.

2012 was the defining year of my life. Defining everything that a transition from a school girl to a college girl to a fucking thug entails. Leaving no stone undaunted to hide the fact,  it was perhaps the toughest year that I've lived (this inclusive of the time when my grandmother passed away and I was on a roll failing all my math and science exams in school). I disliked everything that I did. I graduated and hated the fact that I was compelled to leave the institute I then disliked and later loved, I joined work (again disliked and loved working when I found it was the last week), joined a grad-school that I continue to despise and don't think the moment of glory will happen here. I also met some cunt-holes that I call them friends, at moments. Don't confuse that for lifelong or a decade long shit. It's temporal for most. At the same time there were a lot of changes around me involving other people. One of my closest friend left Delhi for Hyderabad- job and our group sort of came apart. I seeked solace hanging out mostly with the people I played music with in college and forged connections everywhere as opposed to looking at the people I loved and still do, perhaps because of the space I was in, did not allow me to lead contrary lifestyles.

I can very comfortably say, fuck you to the world or the part that made me the way I was last year. I just missed being around with people who knew me inside out, with whom I could be the way I was when I was the happiest and now that they're back (yes, my friend got a transfer and she's back for good!) I do not need to look at anyone for anything.

I know, this could be Hyderabadi biryani, raita, biscuits from Karachi bakery and ice cream from London Dairy talking but I felt like I could do anything, in that brief ride home. I just needed my confidence back and I didn't know of all things that could help, it was a lunch with friends from college that would do that.



The rest of the world can go eat dung. I am positive.

To the years after 21, I promise, even if am jobless, wreck, out of a broken marriage or abusive relationship still, I won't be this miserable as I was until, well, today.

I got deep house, some whiskey and girls to last me a lifetime.