Have you ever fallen ill in a foreign country? It humbles you. 

Knowing time is money and the INR isn't exactly giving the best returns at the moment— it really gives you perspective. I spent 10 solid days thinking through whether I'd go home alive, whether I'd get a chance to wear the handful of new clothes I bought over antibiotics and whether I'll get to see the next chapter of my life healthy. 

I'm scared; I've quit my job. I could do it with the muscle memory, and now along with the flu, with my depleting will to live, I've forgotten it all. The 0 period of my life did a number on me; at work today, my second last day, I was even more clueless than how I was on my first day at this job. It feels like yesterday, I was armed with notebook, pen and a million questions and oh the entitlment. Working for oneself really brings the nails out approach and I've spent four years taming through that. 

How do I feel exiting this? I guess the trip got me numb. I have no good or bad feelings, no remorse or regrets. Just lingering disdain that kicked in today, Also, so much unfamiliarity. I came back to work after a month today and saw some more (new) checkpoints, familiar juice/fruit chaat counter disappeared, new faces on the floor who do not know me and neither did we bother to familiarise with each other; it all feels remote. I guess travel does that to you. I've seen more Dharma films in the last 10 days than in my life over these years, just to feel familial comfort outside home. 

This numb typically translates to feeling hyper and feeling audacious with new cycle; I'm wondering if it'll bring anything new this time. I hope it's exciting and a fun learning curve but besides that, I'm open to all possibilities. 

Closing all books, all old chapters and hopefully old versions this time around. Going on a limb and a prayer to the new cycle of life. Wish me luck.