Jollification- Tale of Two Nights

Friday, April 14, 2017



Dinner With The Bros (2017)

Starring:
A
D
S

Supporting Cast
Mutton Seekh
Chicken Drumsticks
Duck Curry
Assamese Potatoes
Rice

Setup-

A's place. You can smell a cocktail of incense sticks and smoked duck. It's heavenly, the fragrance. D's plonked himself on the bed ignoring S cause she didn't bring him Nutties. A pack of fucking Nutties is what made him announce, "S' as good as dead for me." A was trying his best to pacify both of them while trying to salvage that duck. His room is filled with the fragrance of incense sticks, that he most certainly wants to be used as a plot to make small talk. Football or cricket match is making the background score. Nobody really cares but the guys have to pretend they do. 

A
"What are you doing about him, now?"

S
"Is there anything I can do about him? I can't help myself. (looks over at D) Can you for once in your life act like an adult and get over the fact that I didn't buy you Nutties?"

D
"(rolling his eyes) Yeah of course. Did I say anything to you?"

S
"You ate the Chicken Tikka without me. That's so rude."

D
"You came late. You didn't tell anyone you'd be late."

A
"I just ate one piece of chicken tikka."

D
"(rolling his eyes) he's lying."

A
"Okay, I ate two pieces of chicken tikka."

S
"I told you guys I'd be running late. I told A just before I started. You called me in the middle of my date and I had to take the call on loudspeaker and the guy probably thinks I've hos in different area codes. You really didn't save me any chicken tikka?"

A
"I didn't eat much. I swear."

D
"No. We ate it all."

S
"Fine, I'll eat the Mutton Seekh. A, do you want to try some? (stares into his soul while offering)"

A
"Sure. (Passes the pack to D)"

D
"(after trying 2 pieces) No, my tikka was much better."

S
"No, it wasn't. Tell him it wasn't, A."

A
"Er."

S
"What? Tell him."

A
"It was okay D." 

D
"(bursts out laughing like a hyena. No wait, hyenas have élan. Bursts out laughing like himself.)"

A
"The chicken tikka was good."

S
"Fuck you guys, I can't believe you didn't save me any."

D
"(in a tone mocking S)- 'A, between you and me, I am not bringing him any Nutties."

S
"CAN YOU PLEASE GET OVER THAT? I WAS ALREADY THERE AND I COULDN'T SEE A SHOP SELLING NUTTIES."

A
"You got the Nutties in the end. It's fine."

D
"(mocking tone) ...between you and me, I'm not bringing him any Nutties."

S
"Can you please tell me what do you think about him?"

A
"Women are leaky creatures." 

S
"(rolls eyes)"

D
"He's a loser."

A
"Yeah, it's a bad idea. The other one sounds nice."

S
"But why?"

D
"He's just a loser. I'm telling you."

A
"Oh look, KKR won the match."

S
"(rolls eyes)"

-end-




Dinner With Them Hos (2017)

Starring:
M
U
H

Supporting Cast
Chicken Nuggets
French Fries
Chicken McGrill
Coke Zero

Setup-

Sterile McDonald's outlet. Just as how they get, intrusive, when the table next to you eats a small burger in forty fucking minutes cause they're interested in knowing what's up with your life and your friends'. 

M
"I bought this new shrug from Phoenix." 

H
"You mean Kimono?"

M
"Hello, this is a shrug."

H
"M, please don't embarrass me. This is a Kimono."

M
"The guy who sold it to me called it shrug."

H
"That doesn't mean he knows it. He isn't a fashion blogger jfc."

M
"THIS IS BEING SOLD ON MYNTRA AS A SHRUG."

H
"PEOPLE WRITING CONTENT FOR MYNTRA ARE NOT EXACTLY THE LAST WORD ON FASHION."

M
"Neither are you."

H
"How dare you. I am. I totally am. Let me Google and show you."

M
"Yeah, my phone's dying. Please Google."

H
"(Googles and finds M ten results) See this, this is a Kimono."

M
"Look at the sleeves of my shrug. Kimono has a belt and tassles."

H
"I cannot fucking believe you just said that. Those are traditional Kimonos with belts."

M
"No, look at this (gets up from her chair, walks near the window and strikes three poses. The man next to her can't keep his eyes off her. M gets back to the chair). See this, it's a shrug."

H
"IT HAS TASSLES AT THE BOTTOM."

M
"That man was eating so slowly. I treated McDonalds like my bedroom."

H
"He was totally checking you out."

M
"I knew it. He is eating so slowly. We have given him too much entertainment for one evening."

H
"Is U coming anytime soon? (calls U) 'Hello U? BETCH WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR. IF YOU PLAN TO DITCH JUST TELL US, YOU HO."

M
"She messaged asking which McDonald's in Nehru Place (laughs)."

H
"Jaysus fucking Christ."

M
"Can you please have sex with him on my behalf?"

H
"How does that work? He doesn't know me."

M
"He will know you. Meet him and make him fall in love with you."

H
"Um, I don't think that's how it works. But, I'd totally take one for the team. I'd do him for you, on your behalf."

M
"You have to. My hormones are misbehaving."

H
"Can you find a way to introduce us?"

M
"Just go meet him, introduce yourself, go for afterparty and take him to a room."

H
"THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS."

M
"Please do him on my behalf."

H
"Okay. But..."

M
"Yeah fine do your people also."

H
"Bro, do you even?"

U
"(enters, waving her hand to the entire outlet) Why are you smiling looking at your phone?"

M
"Yeah, please tell her."

H
"Er."

M
"I've been asking her to have sex with someone on my behalf."

H
"I said I would. You need to introduce."

M
"I can't do that."

U
"(looks at M) I like what you're wearing."


M
"Haina? Please tell us U, what is this?"


U
"It's a shrug."

H
"JESUS CHRIST IT IS A KIMONO YOU ARE BOTH EMBARRASSING ME."


U
"No, miss GK-2. This is a shrug."

H
"My Sartorial views don't match your MCRC views."

M
"Please this is not a Kimono."

U
"Kimono has a belt. It's what the ladies wear in Japan."

H
"This type of design is known as Kimono top or dress. This is not to be taken literally. Shrug is cropped."

M & U
"No."

-end-



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