Forgive me..

Friday, September 17, 2010

..for being paranoid but look I really don't want to leave Delhi. It's like those romantic comedies you see. I can't figure the name out but this flick (Jesus, I'm ageing) where this girl falls in love with this man whose name was predicted in Oracle (as a prank played by her brother's friends some years back) who had called her fiance up to congratulate him for their engagement. She, like a fool (comparison starts), leaves the pretty happy situation (la la la) and takes her best friend along to this romantic place (where that man is headed). She locates the guy she's been looking, she's pretty; he's chivalrous. She believes that he is the man she wants to be with and almost cancels her engagement till discovers that this imposter is claiming to be that guy so that she can be with him (would've saved us a lot of trouble in interpreting if only I'd better memory power). Okay so the point is, I'm running away like the girl. Or atleast planning to. No, no oracle, hot guy or any one involved. My post graduation plan is an escape from this place. All this when I figured I'm leaving the country, not only Delhi.

Okay, let's calm down. I'm fussing about my skin. I used to have really pretty feet at some point in time, I'm not even making it up. Pretty, yes that's the word I choose to use because ever since I started college, I got this really bad fungal infection which has left them discoloured. Now, like their nature, when I tell people I don't wish to go (and I really don't want to leave the city during Commonwealth Game atleast, that one is just not fair) for an exchange programme, they mock me on my face and behind my back and those love handles which need some work-out, because in simplest words I tell them my fear about getting tanned. Yes, I crib, I frown and do all the things that might annoy people but listen up, the common public who choose to pass their judgement on the same is not doing anything new either ways. You are doing what you've done i.e. judging whether I have a 'temper problem' that gets me frowning (ask yourself you old hag, why I frown and why must I ever develop that temper problem).

How sudden this happened, I um don't know, but for all I've thought over last few nights (and the reason for being so fucking dead) is that I really don't want to move out of this place. It's just a very naive thought of sitting at the same place but each day as I strut along the college corridor feeling like a duckling who is just cribbing, I imagine myself at some other institution. I think, one day like half of my class, I'd be sleeping through my classes because of excessive partying at some other place. Maybe, then I'd do my own laundary, cook my own meals and crib more and that'll be homely crib. Does that mean, I don't ever want to stay alone? No, ofcourse not, I just don't think place I feel I want to do my post grad from is meant for me. This place has to add more to my overall growth and I believe it's not the time yet to move out. Particularly, now, when I'm about two weeks away to embark another journey. Christ, I sound so confused.

I'm digressing but the point is, a simple thing like skin infection and something called as love for this polluted, pot-holes, rude city is stopping me. I've never been attracted to this place like the last two years. It gave me everything I wished for and my pay back time could be staying by it during CWG atleast. I'm drifting yet again, but for all I want is to do Post Graduation from here, now. I've never been so sure about doing anything with so much conviction. Maybe, getting a barsaati, here and thriving under the metallic pink sky when it rains in Delhi so that I can complain and rant as to how I got late for work due to potholes.

Maybe, someday.

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