I've been so lonely

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Second month of the year,and only two posts so far,I've been avoiding any new development on all things which matter,yet I see myself running away from chores what I did on regular basis.I've lost my focus,aim,concentration..just everything.It's somewhere over 1 am and I know for a fact that it'll get really late for me in the morning again-the whole sleeping pattern is disrupted for nothing more than laziness.Also I am opposing another thought which I must and I stress handle that now.I am advised to "write small and meaningful" sentences for all purposes,till ofcourse 13 march,for the fucksake of english core examination.Something which is hard to achieve taking in mind my thought process and the complications I add every moment I penn down stuff.Also I am doing something which really satisfies my ego,completely.It's so hard to decipher it yet I am making a useless attempt,making the whole illusion inside my head for stuff.Something which can never give pleasure yet hide the painful side of truth so remarkably that it looks unreal.Enough of complicating stuff.Let me make a confession-I haven't been sticking to my bass or rather anything which honours my pursuits to the extent.It's hard to fathom,but it was honestly my bass which kept my sanity all this while.It's been a fortnight or some three weeks due to this killing prosperity of my life-economics.It just doesn't happen at all-no matter how much I try to.Picture this,I am reading a book, a decent Indian fiction to get over my anxiety of the coming few days and I put it away thinking it's time to do something concrete so that I get a decent score for the aforementioned(rather always mentioned-board examination)..what's not hitting me is why again I start to yawn and snore to lifeless remote activity as soon as I just pick up the book in my hand and start to figure what's the author trying to say.Grammatical errors-none,illustrations-none,spellcheck-done;What am I suppose to do now? Okay I'll again flip it to some page and think hard.See this is how some time passes by.

Let me not suggest to any of you,that by doing this or anything of this order,pleasures myself.It's just a way of being immature and running from something which is as sure as death.Also something that I've been denying for a while is hitting me now.I might consider taking a part time job at pharmaceuticals if they can provide me with antacids.Digene as become as much part of my life in these few days as loneliness.It's been a while now that I've done something which satisfies me,pleasure me,kindles me.This is another kind of loneliness,which not many must have experienced,and I've been really affected by it.It may have to do something with yet another fact that I'm under house arrest,and it's not something that is against my wishes.It really hurts though,to see people enjoying and doing all sorts of thing when you've been really trapped in something for a while now.My room has started to resemble some parts of a scrap dealer's office.Except the seating area and the closet,everybit of the empty space is covered with multiple layers of parchments of all kinds.Occasionaly I'm seen outside the territories of my room,just to attend classes once a day or for meals maybe.It excites me like the nothingness of the universe.As the time is drawing closer,I'm being attracted to as many useless stuff you can't perhaps,think.Sometimes,thinking is just not good,neither is assumption.

Farewell's been over and had some amount of lack of interest about the formal function but the juniors made every possible effort to entertain us and possibly one of the events where I did let my hair down(puns unintended).Like surprise I was together with the people I've broken my milk teeth and written the first apology letter to the authorities-just for the last time.Hypothetically maybe but it's not the same anymore.Not when they greet you with a track,which depicts the fantasies,and the essence like no one ever could.I know someone who almost packed some elements of surprise into whole deal but I would not go into the details here.Beyond that, the board practical is scheduled for tuesday,Can't wait to get back to bass and some bit of updating things here.It better be decent for me to be enthusiastic over the preparation.Same goes for the major tests ranging from this coming week till the third,It'll take much of my time-obviously thinking.Might behave the average and maintain it as well.Spare the pen,spoil the tests.

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  1. You know what my English teacher told me..she said that my writing was really good and i have to make it simpler for the nutcase boards.I mean..boards are actually destroying our English!!


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