On days like this, I lose my marbles after going through my Facebook feed. About half of the female population on my list is too rich, too made up-pretty to work and do anything worthwhile in their lives and the rest half are too stupid for association. Reasonably unworkable for the lack of common sense and consequently proving the same by posting absolute crap including how a Thai man married his dead girlfriend and well! that shit is love. Well, fuck you. Love is when you made your boyfriend, who is already dating another girl from your circle break up with the first woman because you couldn't go out and explore. Love is also your 'BFF' at a sleepover and 'osam tyme' that you're going to tell everyone about. Argh. This includes love for putting pictures of cake batter for your boy-toy. Well, fuck you all.
That awkward moment when you are dressed like a little boy and you bump into half a dozen relatives while you're out for dinner.
A blank canvas, page or mind must have some scribbling in order for it to breathe to life. Not withstanding the idea of silence being the loudest idea or blank page being the mightiest answer, yet the past couple of weeks (month?!) that went past without a word from my end here, is a disappointing bit from my side. Creatively, I've come to a standstill where I can't think to save my life. Simple things as words to fit the situation don't come to me. Writing, then, seems like an uphill task which involves patience and discipline. To sit, to think, to read and to write requires effort and I'm running a deficit in that area. So, I spent whatever measly amount of cash I'd acquired over the last couple of year on expressing myself through images- still and moving. I purchased a GoPro (complete with basic accessories) that eM picked for me from New York. Spending money on electronics is the next best thing after eating puffcorns. On a side note, this corny idea got me a lot of flak in pitching for final semester routine with a faculty member who compared me to the imbecile head of the institution and said he didn't mean it like a compliment. Oh well, that man has power atleast.
In an attempt to make an effort and come clean on what all I've done in the days of my absence, I shall follow up with pictures from my Instagram feed. I feel I need to drill my life on this page, document every minute of my being because when I fill visa applications etc, instead of opening my documents to verify date and information, I can simply open my blog and check. I am hardly making any sense but it's a good habit to speak out as opposed to sleeping away at home. Also, in this little break from writing, the brat that I was, overindulged in every sense of lifestyle. Being a white girl is hard. I've put on two kilos and spent close to 10k on coffee ever since Epicuria came to my life. Happiness and calories together, with bunch of cameras, selfies and completely indulgent behaviour. I need a leash on my life but happiness comes first. Trying to account for where and what I did, for no rhyme or reason. Visual documentation for the win!
Lohri is the only Hindu festival that I look forward to. What's not to like about popcorn and bonfire? Over-indulgence in rum. I think the latter half of the evening involved dialling Citizen Fuzz and saying some crap that I'd rather not talk about here. Ofcourse, he's a good sport and didn't mention it again. Still, nothing beats popcorn.
I vaguely remember, college had just reopened and I got a text from Sinner. Stuka battled cancer till he lost his life to infection that came along with harsh weather. Having been in the situation of losing a member of the canine family, I knew what it felt like. I visited her over post college and just sat after visiting where Stuka had been buried earlier during the day. This is Tabby, one of Obi's offspring. She looked absolutely stunning. Samsung should consider signing her for promotions and advertisements.
This was taken morning after a failure of a day. I got rejected in the first placement test I sat for this year. Needless to say, I went in my shell, cribbed about it. Ruined everyone's life about how I am going to be jobless. I am going to be jobless. Not ruining anyone's day anymore. Oh, and meet AJ. Editing room stories- day 1. Pissed, bored while Jay struggled to sync our first sync-sound exercise. The footage and acting's so bad that it's good. "We are logged in!", this is how we all remember our first 'film' exercise. AJ, however, looking sharp.
This Christmas, all I got was diabetes. Amongst other yummy stuff, Ude got me a box of dark kit-kat from Dubai. Sibling stole some, under the pretext of wearing her clothes. Pig.
In an attempt to make an effort and come clean on what all I've done in the days of my absence, I shall follow up with pictures from my Instagram feed. I feel I need to drill my life on this page, document every minute of my being because when I fill visa applications etc, instead of opening my documents to verify date and information, I can simply open my blog and check. I am hardly making any sense but it's a good habit to speak out as opposed to sleeping away at home. Also, in this little break from writing, the brat that I was, overindulged in every sense of lifestyle. Being a white girl is hard. I've put on two kilos and spent close to 10k on coffee ever since Epicuria came to my life. Happiness and calories together, with bunch of cameras, selfies and completely indulgent behaviour. I need a leash on my life but happiness comes first. Trying to account for where and what I did, for no rhyme or reason. Visual documentation for the win!
Lohri is the only Hindu festival that I look forward to. What's not to like about popcorn and bonfire? Over-indulgence in rum. I think the latter half of the evening involved dialling Citizen Fuzz and saying some crap that I'd rather not talk about here. Ofcourse, he's a good sport and didn't mention it again. Still, nothing beats popcorn.
I vaguely remember, college had just reopened and I got a text from Sinner. Stuka battled cancer till he lost his life to infection that came along with harsh weather. Having been in the situation of losing a member of the canine family, I knew what it felt like. I visited her over post college and just sat after visiting where Stuka had been buried earlier during the day. This is Tabby, one of Obi's offspring. She looked absolutely stunning. Samsung should consider signing her for promotions and advertisements.
This was taken morning after a failure of a day. I got rejected in the first placement test I sat for this year. Needless to say, I went in my shell, cribbed about it. Ruined everyone's life about how I am going to be jobless. I am going to be jobless. Not ruining anyone's day anymore. Oh, and meet AJ. Editing room stories- day 1. Pissed, bored while Jay struggled to sync our first sync-sound exercise. The footage and acting's so bad that it's good. "We are logged in!", this is how we all remember our first 'film' exercise. AJ, however, looking sharp.
This Christmas, all I got was diabetes. Amongst other yummy stuff, Ude got me a box of dark kit-kat from Dubai. Sibling stole some, under the pretext of wearing her clothes. Pig.
College must consider re-naming and structurally changing our course to be labelled as 'M.A. Vintage Studies. Bloody editing on Avid Media composer on mostly non-sync audio and video mono channels. Yaye.
Taking during the last pitstop on our way back to Delhi, on the traditional family roadtrip. The best kind of popcorn were consumed that my mother gladly bought. One of those moments which will last with you for a while.
The morning of lighting workshop, this was my face. Until I discovered the joys of bunking college. Fourth semester of Grad School- I'm a late bloomer.
Minimal poster design for Orange is the New Black. Orange matchbox complimentary to friend and her boyfriend after a nightout.
The number of fucks given at the lighting workshop- none. Bunked atleast 80% of it, legitimately. Did some random stuff. The kind that involves kissing and telling so I shan't.
One the fourth day of the workshop, when I'd bunked third time, I went to my alma mater. It was nothing short of spontaneous plan that involved us chilling at the cafe and peeing in the washroom in our corridor. The things you do for kicks. Those. Well worth it, I missed everything about that place and realized how I can never be happy anywhere. The corridor was home.
Exposed film stock translates to happiness. Nothing better than end of the damn lighting workshop for good. Now I'd like to go and sleep and bunk some more. Thank you. Arri should be banned.
First weekend off, can you make momos? Be the food your mother sees you in and she's a very good mother also.
Part of haul and Sunday afternoon spent wisely at Majnu Ka Tila. Lamenting cum celebrating my stay in India for this year with them socks I bought for myself. Motto for the year? Blow all the cash you have on random stuff. Socks cost rs 20. Pride? Priceless. There are somethings money can't buy.
eM turned 30 and came back to her motherland. This cake was much required for the situation. It tasted wonderful and warm but I'm drifting more towards chocolate- on daily basis.
Acquired GoPro after three weeks of harassing eM at NYC. Karma paid me back by making the memory card remain unavailable till first 10 days. It's a lot like having a baby inside the jail. I should stop watching Castle for everyone's good.
Hullo, gorgeous!
The first planned shot from GoPro had to be this corner in my room. It's been a dream to have a fish-eye lens and click lots of footage from it. However, wishes are not what you always think of them to be. More on philosophising crap, later.
On day 1 with GoPro at the grad school campus, the weather was horrid and I made full use of in-editing technical assistance available on my phone for images. Result, as you can see, is quite settling.
Level one wanted to try the hair-pin. I have always been mesmerised by watching eM do it and doing it well. I attempted this on Meggy's hair. Result looked damn cute. No?
One of my subject for the documentary was a wall-artist. He is seen in action in this shot, doing commissioned (legal for noobs) works on the walls of Delhi. Even though the project got canned, I received confidence in the form of referring to his work while abstaining from buying it's sensibility from some broker, publisher or anyone else.
This interesting roof with lights reminded eM of radiographic image of ejaculation. Whatever be the case, we can all agree that this might be one of the most interesting chandelier concept I've seen being a part of the st. ART (Delhi) since they usually work with walls and paints, the idea of three dimensionality is differently displayed in this shot.
The puppies of New Delhi. Extremely fussy and demonstrate a whole lot of attitude. I'm once again back at loving puppies and dogs more than humans.
As a part of completing mid-term formality, we were taken to IGNCA as a class trip and this happened to be a part of live installation there. The artist portrayed the figure of a 'rebel' and how his house (rather, room) would be like. I think the lighting is fantastic and the vinyl player on the left makes me want to move in at the gallery just so that I could pretend to have this as my room. The exhibition is on till the 28 so if you're reading this and are from Delhi, it is highly recommended that you visit that place and experience a day of opening your senses.
This gig was played inside a tiny box, which could barely accommodate the rig. Ofcourse, this made it fun to observe and watch from a distance. The acoustics weren't bad inspite of cramming everyone inside this space. Also, this happened to be Valentines Day, so the venue was covered with testicle like heart shaped balloons hanging upside down. The pre-interview for documentary was taken right after the sound-check. My evening, post work was fucking brilliant. A team-member and his new girlfriend joined AJ, Meggy and I. After 2011, this was one of the gigs I enjoyed with a large group of people. Ofcourse, each evening has it's moments but I'd rather not ruin that night by writing extensively about it. Let's just end it at saying a lot of corny music was involved and misanthropy followed.
In
Fat Luck
You know what? 2014 is a bad fucking year.
I know it's too damn early to make statements like this and negative approach will take me nowhere. Well, newsflash. Neither will this year. The year that begins with adding two kilos on the body, getting the damn visa declined and getting one solitary documentary project canned is a sign enough that I should stop making any kind of effort towards building this to be 'my' year and perhaps, zone out.
I've been often accused of cribbing far too much but the fact of the matter is, if one were to analyze the situations I've been out under in the last two yeas and see what's come out of me- this blog, people etc, it will be nothing in comparison to what I am going through. Each day is a sharp mental agony, much like being forced to sit in a cinema hall, quietly watching American Hustle (what a fucking waste of my time and money, that film) while people around you are nibbling on overpriced nachos and talking their hearts out. All you want to do is, stab everyone and wait for the movie to get over in order for you to get home/elsewhere (perhaps, to catch up on the lost sleep). You'd make a valid concern of why won't I leave the movie mid-way and get the out of there just to put myself out of such misery.
I wish I was that person who'd just do that. I wish I could walk away and walk out of things, people, situations and circumstances. Maybe it's my conditioning or just the person I am, I don't give up on things to easily. Surely, I am hopeless all through out but that doesn't stop me from staying around, sticking till the bond lasts and making all possible effort to reconcile something which never deserved my attention to begin with.
So, when the last nail in the coffin hit me two days ago, I went berserk. In my mind, ofcourse. You see, this facade I've learnt to incorporate is an art I'd like to put on my damn resume. You're sitting, with people, alone and been braced by that one thing you most dearly, with all your heart hoped that wouldn't happen. Sadly, this year's about those elements triumphing and how. After putting myself all out in a project for over a month, I get to know that due to shortage of one solitary mark, my documentary proposal, idea and well that damn documentary has been canned. In short, my graduate thesis project is a 16mm short fiction film.
Dead silence.
During a meeting with our sound faculty professor today, I learnt how silence and the absence of music works better than the music or the words themselves. The argument to this could be several but frankly, none of it defines why silence wins. In my mind, there were volcanoes the size of elephant balls but the appearance was nearly deceptive. Not too upset but definitely not happy. I think resignation and silent protests in my mind- against expressing myself on blog, in my mind and to anyone will be the voice of this year/semester/month/life.
Looking forward to 2015.
I know it's too damn early to make statements like this and negative approach will take me nowhere. Well, newsflash. Neither will this year. The year that begins with adding two kilos on the body, getting the damn visa declined and getting one solitary documentary project canned is a sign enough that I should stop making any kind of effort towards building this to be 'my' year and perhaps, zone out.
I've been often accused of cribbing far too much but the fact of the matter is, if one were to analyze the situations I've been out under in the last two yeas and see what's come out of me- this blog, people etc, it will be nothing in comparison to what I am going through. Each day is a sharp mental agony, much like being forced to sit in a cinema hall, quietly watching American Hustle (what a fucking waste of my time and money, that film) while people around you are nibbling on overpriced nachos and talking their hearts out. All you want to do is, stab everyone and wait for the movie to get over in order for you to get home/elsewhere (perhaps, to catch up on the lost sleep). You'd make a valid concern of why won't I leave the movie mid-way and get the out of there just to put myself out of such misery.
I wish I was that person who'd just do that. I wish I could walk away and walk out of things, people, situations and circumstances. Maybe it's my conditioning or just the person I am, I don't give up on things to easily. Surely, I am hopeless all through out but that doesn't stop me from staying around, sticking till the bond lasts and making all possible effort to reconcile something which never deserved my attention to begin with.
So, when the last nail in the coffin hit me two days ago, I went berserk. In my mind, ofcourse. You see, this facade I've learnt to incorporate is an art I'd like to put on my damn resume. You're sitting, with people, alone and been braced by that one thing you most dearly, with all your heart hoped that wouldn't happen. Sadly, this year's about those elements triumphing and how. After putting myself all out in a project for over a month, I get to know that due to shortage of one solitary mark, my documentary proposal, idea and well that damn documentary has been canned. In short, my graduate thesis project is a 16mm short fiction film.
Dead silence.
During a meeting with our sound faculty professor today, I learnt how silence and the absence of music works better than the music or the words themselves. The argument to this could be several but frankly, none of it defines why silence wins. In my mind, there were volcanoes the size of elephant balls but the appearance was nearly deceptive. Not too upset but definitely not happy. I think resignation and silent protests in my mind- against expressing myself on blog, in my mind and to anyone will be the voice of this year/semester/month/life.
Looking forward to 2015.
Things I've learnt from the mid semester exam assignment in television (due in less than 10 hours):
a) Pakistani women look just the same. I can't make out between all four characters.
b) If the club is playing 'Around the World', expect some trouble.
c) Face packs give you a better shot at being a milf.
d) It's 2014, people my age are travelling the world, having babies. Me? I'm still cribbing about homework.
a) Pakistani women look just the same. I can't make out between all four characters.
b) If the club is playing 'Around the World', expect some trouble.
c) Face packs give you a better shot at being a milf.
d) It's 2014, people my age are travelling the world, having babies. Me? I'm still cribbing about homework.