Being and Attributes

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I'm essentially a sad human being (created substance, true story) by nature and this has been a bone of contention for people who've known me and have had the time/energy to judge me. This judgement ofcourse has come out in terms like "pissed", "depressed"; and lines like "why do you always frown?", "why is she always sulking?" etcetra. So the attribute that I carry is pessimism add to it frown and a lot of impatience. That can be defined as me.


There are times when my bar for being pissed is high for reasons more than obvious which currently include academics, the way things function (specially at home) and maybe some amount of PMS can be included in this list, rather safe.

Today, it was epicness because I woke up with throat infection. Like someone had tied a piece of eraser in my throat that I can neither relish nor throw up. Add to it, the fact my grandfather is hospitalised (which is another story in itself) and the best one- it is a Sunday.

I detest Sundays. Amongst several reasons, one of them being people claim to spend time with their family. The people you spend time with on weekdays choose to hang out with their relatives/socialise or sleep the day in. No problem. Continue with it. I just fucking dislike Sundays for no absolute reason. Someone drops in uninvited. Or you go to someone's place uninvited. The ridiculous social behaviour. Can you see angst? It's visible. I have spend the day procrastinating and doing absolutely nothing except fighting the fever alone at home with horrendous cold.

This cough/throat jam angst is something that is purely genetic. I have seen my dad losing his temper for tiny things when he has contracted cold. As a teen, he once broke his alarm clock and on another occasion the wall (no kidding, the walls in that particular Apartment were rather week) out of frustration. This is one thing I have inherited. I haven't gone down breaking the walls yet but I can see myself tearing my own head with throbbing pain and the thing that I'm home alone with absolutely nothing that I could do (apart from reading Spinoza). Strepsils taken, copius amoint of caffeine taken. No respite.

This cold turned into fever today and that fever into horrible body ache. So now there's my grandfather in hospital and I'm at home. Bah!

As far as he is concerned, he got desaturated few hours later after my last post. I went through the most terrible 24 hours of my life trying to survive with a pesky aunt who took control over in the absence of my folks while they were stuck in Jaipur and extremely sick grandfather. He got desaturated that night and was a step away from getting on Ventilator. Incidentally, all his reports were absolutely fine and there is no reason whatsoever for what took place. He was out of breath and the oxygen level in his blood fell really low that night. What should be 90+ was 6o and he was immediately rushed to ICU. This is after we'd insisted the Doctors to merely admit him which they said, he didn't need to be. After spending two days in ICU he was shifted in the room yesterday. Let's see how and when he recovers fully. Though I know one thing, those 24 hours made me grow up about 1o years instantly, specially the way things progressed I know how I spent each hour of the day.

I really can't explain why am I so pissed with the world (specially the useless lot of relatives that I come with). They are class apart storytelling fucktards. I don't even feel the need to control my language and neither does it matter if anyone of them comes across this post.

On a slightly different note, I gave the first ever open book test (on Plato's Republic). Scam it is, because it's useless to have the book infront of you if you have never read or just casually glanced at it. Murphy's law ensured that two of the major assignments came right between when my grandfather was in hospital. Thankfully I have managed them just about decent and won't care if I am unable to score because this is the best that I could have attempted and could not have done better than this.

And on a very hypocritical note, a big thanks to the beautiful people who prayed to the cosmic powers who helped my grandfather to recover. Please keep the prayers coming and I'm forever grateful to you. My grandfather needs each one of them. Special thanks and a big hug to I.F. for the support given. Your comforting words are always priceless.

Thank you again.

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