Metamorphosis

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

(I don't know why but I do incessantly find the need to explain this post after Tj's letter to her daughter (just to put across that this isn't inspired from what she did, for I know it hurts when someone copies it blatantly and pastes that idea). I have undertaken letters to self before, but this one is in retrospect to my 18. The year I turned a legal adult, I'm sure it's not biggie but nonetheless I'm tempted to look and leave the new shit behind).


Dear Anisha,

Happy Birthday! You've managed to live it till your 18 (which I know you believed would end before your second Logic assignment in the first term itself). You're tired after the dancing and breezer . In sometime to come, you'll realise the idea of your birthday with All your friends was not that impressive, specially when there were three political blocks in your living room but it's all good. You won't probably know but it's quiet the last time you'll meet some of them as college will take it's toll. You're pissed about how extended family landed for dinner without informing and not even for birthday, just like that. I won't blame you for that.

Coming to life, you're in for a Big surprise. On BamBam's birthday, you'll hear from the editor in chief of the magazine you'll work with for a rather long time. It'll end on a not so good note though, but you're going to cherish this till your last breath because here, you finally wrote your first letter as the Editor (in the last issue while you work with them). You'll lead a team of about 12 writers working under you. You'll surprise everyone and most of all yourself with how you managed to do what you've always wanted to, so early. There will be a time when you'll actually announce that you're so satisfied that you can die peacefully but then take my word, you have to wait for summer break to come to discover whether you've really done it all. You will be exposed to a lot of realities which will come in hand with hard work but you'll it very well. Be sincere and you'll just do fine like you did with your little stint with NDTV. You'll meet new and better writers but you'll be asked to edit them. Don't be stressed out, there are always going to be your friends behind you (and you really need no one though, you're a strong girl).

Speaking of friend, you'll find new and brilliant people in college from other departments applying to work as a writer and you'll end up being great friends with them. Your own batch mates, remember those seemed like typical blondes till yesterday? Yeah the same ones, will be friends. Frankly, they're not as weird as you judged them so give yourself time before you pass judgements. This, will be realised, only when people you count as your friends will start to judge you and evaluate you on your behaviour 24/7. You'll make peace with it, so don't fret unecessarily. College will turn brilliant once you learn that you're with the best minds in India. It'll hurt you everytime you think about your dream college but it's not worth the crying you've done for that. Course will progress slowly and be interesting. Logic seems harsh but the assignments won't be half as bad as you are probably thinking they are right now. You'll get a jolt with your mid-term score and that'll inspire you to work even more. By the end of the year, you'll be 'settled' in college though your favourite teacher will have left it leaving you to complete the year by yourself entirely. She'll be your new friend and later play the roll of an elder sister. You'll see it happening. It sounds so enthralling at this moment but you'll have to wait for all of it to come to you.

Embrace the situations of distress at work with open arms, you'll leave the place when you think it's time they don't need you. You'll feel cheated at a level which is okay for the 18 year old self, considering how hard you 'think' you've worked. It's all good I say, today when it's nearly an year later to the time you started working. You'll get frustrated at times with your blackberry (your 18 birthday gift which you'll hate for long time, until you actually start working as the editor) but learn to live with it. In December, you'll be working with Motherjane and Goldhawk, both of whom you love a whole lot. A whole lot of winter chills and then a symposium will ensure you a new eye candy that you'll be obsessed about till your annual exams. I get it, he's great looking and has done phenomenal work, to be talked about but think about it, you'll end up screwing your Indian Philosophy exam towards the end because of all the fussing that will be done. You won't understand it, for I myself realised this couple of days back. They say, wisdom comes with time. I am a living example. Oh, you'll crush on someone you were friends with, for a very brief time while you're gossiping about someone. Um, I don't know what to say on that one but just that, it's not going to be world tearing day when you find out he's dating another close friend. You were not close to him, but you were bowled over by the fact that he's well read and writes crisp. I can't comment on this stage because you'll be mocked upon by people when you announce this to a certain few, for they believe he looks deformed. Hey, stick to this one, these looks are deceiving. You might be gorgeous on the skin but what makes you great is what is underneath that piece of mass. No, not body-soul talk but as an individual. Yeah, some will say he's not worth you. Fine, listen. You can't stop people from talking. Even if it means by saying his date/girlfriend is ugly piece of crap. I ask, what is ugly?

Your ass will be on fire (mind my language but I'm merely 3 days short of my last teen so live with this) during March-April because there is a whole lot to cover and you're trying very hard for logic, good. You'll do great in your exams, atleast in logic so keep practising. Indian Philosophy needs your attention too, but knowingly you'll screw it. It's okay. You've two more years to cover up for that one. Besides, no one's saying a word to you. You're still the awesome, 18 year old who's managed to live the dream at this stage.

Be prepared to get the shock of your life, your mother will undergo a surgery, a major one. You'll be managing the family, food, house and her. Be very brave, it will go well. Have strength in yourself. I know, you're disappointed knowing that you won't be able to undertake any internship unlike your peers who're rubbing it well at swanky media houses and advertisement agencies. You need a break from work done little over six months and the pain you've seen your mother go through. It'll come to you love, have patience. Your parents will agree to a short and your first every trip with friends (Goldhawk and M) to Amritsar and that's stepping stones! You'll not really be impressed with the whole place because it's commercialised but the bonding and fun travelling with friends is worth the whole worked up year that you had in college and otherwise in two months after surgery. You're going to be in for another shock, you'll be roped in to work with your favourite (well?) underground band as a member of street team for marketing but soon your work will turn into cinematography more than marketing and hanging out with the band while they're recording their studio album. At this stage, you'll reflect and see how well these vacations were crafted but hold on. You're in for shock now, your laptop, blackberry and basically all things tech will come to take your piece of mind. It'll be fixed in the end, I promise. This is where you'll realise people you've fussed about in past don't really deserve the attention gone and you'll be charged to focus on making your life better, for a career and your plans of studying and work..exactly what you want to do. Good luck with that, stick to them in years to come and you'll do well.

July will bring in more shock, you'll be finally going to Shillong, place you wanted to travel because of music. Hold on, it's not going to be what you think, it's going to be focussing on your whore cousin but Sinner will be the reason your trip is being mentioned about as a pleasant surprise and not a negative thought that could've been avoided. You'll go through the death of your pet dog Sumo, it will take time. It still is. You will cross those paths and make use of memory to place where and when what happened. Maybe it's a whole procedure. Moving with that, your result will be out. Congratulations! First division and the cheer. You deserved it lovelove. Now time to get back to college, haha. Sounds as naive as being 12 and going to the math class. Intial teething problem assured you'll be trying to figure out second year. Don't.
It's worth nothing, not your health and the lines on your forehead that cause worry. Your lecturers will be worldly wise but are 'bad individuals'. No, I agree with what you are thinking. Maybe, by the time you turn 2o you'll think it was for your good but as of now, I stand with your statement.

One thing, don't give up. I know, you've given up on people/things/situations/classes/grades. It's not as hopeless as you think. You'll have a shock waiting, your worst grades in college await you as you haven't done anything. You're recovering from a loss of losing a loved one and that too unexpected. You need to believe in yourself, again. It's disturbing to be standing at the end of lowest scorer in class room but you need to work. It's worth the pain, fight like you fought logic. This is second year, you have time in your hand to fix things/grades right now. Just don't give up too early.

I am missing out on loads of thing but for a reason, I want them to come as a surprise to you. Trust your intuition, it will help you a lot on figuring out people you'll encounter this year. Remember, 18 is not tough, when you think it's taking a toll on you, think about your quarter life crisis. You're far from it. Go easy on cafe food. You'll hate it by the end of first year and caffeine. Woman, you need to cut down on your tea-intake. It'll stop giving you kicks after some time so you'll know. Also, you'll shop a lot so manage your budget well and don't let yourself buy another pair of quirky flip-flops and bag. They're junk and you'll think about it sooner or later. Continue with your photography and don't give up writing so easily. I know you aren't really writing anything and are far from reading as much as you used to once upon a time. I'd say, give it another try, it's worth it. Go easy on life, it's not going to make difference if you stop by for once and give yourself some time, pamper and adore yourself.

Your 19 is couple of days away, you're going through memories of not only the last year but the whole passage that you've come through. I am thankful to you for having live this year in the best possible way. Yes, I am counting the little stupidities that you've come along with but you know it's all worth the experience. Even when you went and played bass with just a singer.

In anticipation of a great 19, here's signing off.

Unconditional Love
Me




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3 comments

  1. Wonderful post! :)
    Enjoyed reading it...and it wasn't so long after all...at least it didn't seem to be.. which is after all the mark of a well written piece. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw. The year has turned out to be a lot more action-packed than your little reminiscence. You’ve been through a whole assortment of events –good, bad. Strike those off and just retain the best and the worst ones. :P

    We have definitely bonded further *plays Low in the background* with Chai, Chips and more. SnobO!

    The coming year shall be more eventful, trust me. And will kickstart with a bang. Love. :)

    Psst.. the post should have had a red-muffler flag somewhere between your paragraph breaks.

    N.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Suhasini- I'm humbled : )

    @Goldhawk- I can't believe, you came down to comment. More chips and chai to come our way.

    ReplyDelete

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