Caught by the river

Monday, August 16, 2010

It's been a tough week to gather oneself from the grief that was bestowed on us. Tejaswee's loss is something that cannot be undone. I haven't been able to sleep since last three days. My eyes still hurt from all the crying (which I know, should've avoided; knowing the person she was, would've been uncalled). It's hard to come with a straight face to routine activities, college, work et al. Infact, I missed the prayer ceremony not just due to flu but 'cause I had no strength to go through it again. I know it should be taken that her time was well spent with us but it doesn't go like it. No matter, how hard I try to be an existentialist my roots from the core objectivity drag me back. As I type this, my eyes hurt more, with more tears that fall by and I'm not even ashamed mentioning it. It has to come down somewhere. Of all things I remember from last week, I could hear the words rattle in my ear last night while I was barely breathing due to flu. I was trying hard to keep up breathing from mouth and was just thinking of TJ. Her body covered, her face which was unusually quite, the faces at the crematorium.

I don't know if my inability to focus in class has got to do anything with it, but it's visible. I haven't got in terms with things since then. It may seem like perfectly fine in class but everytime I pass by the corridor, the memories partake my mind. It's a big loss for all her classmates I knew and the people she touched.

To make matters worse, our Greek Lecturer is a renedition of Dolores Umbridge but with orange. She can't take it if someone makes it to college for lectures regularly and neither can she take someone who doesn't. Has opinions that she wants to thrust upon others and basically generalises everything- right from Dalai Lama having wrong ways of fighting for independence to having ideas on how to allocate funds. Everything, is just a fallacy infront of her. Her answer? She's a cynic and strives for the most critical. Well, if it wasn't for few pen marks making it "present" in class I'd give her my piece of mind but sadly, I have no liberty to do it. Maybe, by the end of the year someone does a la Fred-George act and rub the sarcasm ridden orange pie on her face.

Western lectures are getting from boring to morbid to I'll-just-pass-out-if-the-class-doesn't-end. Yeah, I have issues and I have to crib about everything and I'm passionate about attendance part too. Those of you who can't accept it, shove it up.

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